I’m Breaking Up With You

Look, we need to talk.  I’ve been thinking about, like… well… us a lot lately and I, well erm… look this isn’t easy OK.  Maybe you should sit down. I don’t need you to say anything, just please listen to me, this is important… it’s about us.  I really need to you listen to me right now so I’ll start at the beginning, it’ll be easier that way. We’ve been doing this thing that we’ve been doing since I was 16, and I thought I’d never love anybody else like I loved Electronics Boutique who was taken away from me far too early.  I’ll be honest, I do still think about EB once every so often and I wonder what could of become of us, but then you came along and took her place.  We’ve had some great times over the years, you bore me my first Xbox and, later, a GameCube. Then, just as I thought our relationship was starting to go flat, we were blessed with the greatest gift of all: an Xbox 360.

Do you remember? It was Thursday; man it was cold that night. I stood outside for what seemed like hours while my brother was inside working. He had to wear a white boiler suit and an Xbox beanie hat; he was smashed out of his face drunk that night, he really liked that job. You teased me that night though didn’t you? Made me stand outside, you could have let me in but you wouldn’t, you couldn’t be seen to be giving me preferential treatment. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I do now that I’m a little older. Do you remember all those other late nights? Some people say they were stupid but I really enjoyed them; Halo 3 was packed and so was the Gears of War 2 one.  Oh my god, do you remember the Resident Evil 5 launch? I felt so bad for you that night, I can’t believe nobody came. We really did have some great times, and I don’t regret anything, it’s just that you’ve become increasingly difficult to have a relationship with lately and I don’t know if you’re doing it on purpose, but you’re pushing me away. It hurts.

You keep throwing strops about the stupidest little things, having a go at me before I’ve even done anything wrong. I could understand if it was that time of the month and your targets were due, but it’s not and you just snap at me over nothing. “You do know this is exempt from our ten day returns policy once you have opened it don’t you?”  Why do you word it like that? Granted, I act stupid sometimes, but I just do it because I thought that you thought it was cute. You don’t need to talk to me that way… you could just say it nicer. What did I ever do to upset you? I don’t understand, it’s like you don’t trust me anymore. You make me prove what Computer Entertainment Exchange is offering on trade-ins and ask for photos of games that are on the shelf cheaper in HMV. Do you know how it makes me feel to have to stand in a shop taking a photo of a game box on my phone? Everybody stares and they know what I’m doing, regardless of how I try to hide it. It makes me look stupid and it makes me feel so small to know that the one I love, and have been with since I was 16, doesn’t trust me anymore. I still did it though because it’s what you wanted, and I didn’t want to go through another argument like the time you snapped at me when I questioned it, like somehow I was in the wrong. Well guess what?  I wasn’t; you were in the wrong and I can’t take it any more.

I can’t take your bloody nagging: “Do you need any help at all?”,  “Are you OK there?”, “Would you like a strategy guide with that?”, “Would you like to pre-order Uncharted 3?”, “Do you have an Elite Loyalty card?” You know I have an Elite Loyalty card! You gave it to me, on the first day you introduced the stupid thing. I answer you the same every single time I see you and it’s the same questions over and over again… it’s like you don’t listen to me, like I’m not there.

Remember that questionnaire you sent me back in April? You said you needed my help, you said my views were important!  You said that you don’t call me the Elite for nothing and you wanted us to plan our future for world domination together. That’s what you said; you didn’t mean it though did you? No!  As always, you don’t fucking listen.  The first question read: “Do you or any of your family or close friends work now, or have ever worked, in any of the following industries or occupations?” So I ticked ‘Journalism’ – granted, it might be stretching the truth a little but it was the closest option to what I do… and what do you do? You decide you don’t want to talk to me and close the questionnaire in a huff. So I tried again using a different name and gave different answers – you didn’t know that did you? You let my alias through, almost all the way to the end before you kicked her out because her answers weren’t good enough. That’s right I was XxIrGamerAs5inGamerInnitXx@hotmail.com – surprise! So why wasn’t I good enough for you? Is it because I said I was a journalist?  That’s it, isn’t it? All of this because I started writing for GamingLives? I mean… what are you, jealous? You’re being stupid.  They don’t even sell games.

Granted, I’m not perfect; I might be a little soggy round the mid section and I’m not what most would describe as a looker; hell I’m even a fair bit older than you are but I didn’t think that mattered, I didn’t think you were that shallow. Guess I was wrong though. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve started giving more attention to students lately. I guess you like um young though, don’t you? What with their floppy hair and their way of using words that I don’t understand like “dub-step” and “Timmy Temper.”  After all, you wooed my brother and me during our youth, so it’s obvious you just want some fresh meat. You used me like a pre-owned game, under-valuing me and bleeding me dry for every last penny. You know what though? You’re cheap! You might have spent millions on your new look, trying to get those floppy haired art student fuckers to take notice, but you’ll always be the cheap little grey shop at the bottom of Hertford Street to me. I made you what you are.  You were nothing without me!  Urghhhh I feel sick, I can’t believe I’ve been inside you.

I don’t need you any more; I can get what I need off of the Internet. The Internet doesn’t judge me, the Internet doesn’t laugh at me when I pre-order Viva Pinata… I… just… I just don’t love you any more.

Gamestation, I’m breaking up with you.

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