We thought long and hard, with much debate and consumption of snack foods, about how best to define a ten point review scale. How could we adequately convey the meaning of each precious number? Then we thought, why bother. You can count to ten, unless you’re a YouTube troll, so why labour it. Each number stands for itself and should be self evident.
On a scale of one to ten, nothing should be out of reach. Five should be exactly that… middle of the road. Average. However, while some games may attain the dizzy heights of that sexy ten, it doesn’t mean they are perfect, after all, nothing in life is. Not even a bathtub full of Ferrero Rocher and whipped cream, delivered by Stana Katic (close).
We aim to be honest about our experiences. We’re not out to deliver ego flattering pieces with the impact of a candy floss kosh, nor rip a game to shreds for a baying crowd who feed on the souls of games, all for the sake of controversy. Every game is judged solely on its own merits and not that of its competitors. What this essentially means is that we don’t downgrade games of certain genres because their graphics aren’t spanking the boundaries of current tech; instead we judge solely on the experience each game gives. We just play and review them, while striving to inform and entertain. After all, that is why we play… to be entertained, and that should be a measure of a good game, Shirley.
Q: Your scale seems wrong… shouldn’t a 7/10 be the average score?
A: No. You’re a twat.
Q: I think you’ve scored my favourite game too low – can I request that you reconsider?
A: No. You’re a twat.
Q: If you don’t do it, I’ll set my dad on you.
A: He’s also a twat.
If you need it spelled out for you, then here is the scoring policy in its simplest and rawest form…
0/10 – Created specifically for Theme Park on Android, way to go!
1/10 – Abysmal (you know, like E.T. The Extra Terrestrial)
2/10 – Dire
3/10 – Bad
4/10 – Below average
5/10 – Average
6/10 – Decent
7/10 – Good
8/10 – Very good
9/10 – Excellent
10/10 – Astounding (like Bayonetta… apparently)
As well as our standard review scores, we also have three standard awards that are given to titles which, we feel, are deserving of the accolade. These awards are held in the highest regard and aren’t distributed without careful consideration, and each has its own specific purpose, as detailed below…