Assume the position...

It was only a matter of time, but for those whose journey through the neon depravities of Vegas and the surrounding desert is nothing but a distant memory, Bethesda’s latest announcement about their Fallout: New Vegas Ultimate Edition may renew some interest.  Available in Europe from 10th February, 2012, the Fallout: New Vegas Ultimate Edition will feature the game and all add-on DLC, including:

• Dead Money
• Honest Hearts
• Old World Blues
• Lonesome Road
• Courier’s Stash
• Gun Runners’ Arsenal

Now, if only they’d bothered to splash the cash on an Ultimate Collector’s Edition… perhaps with a miniature Mr Fisto, or a Benny voodoo doll (although not necessarily working ones, but now you mention it…).  Now that’s what we’d call innovative extras.  Still, if you haven’t yet bothered with the game and the inevitable stack of DLC, now may well be a good time.

The game starts with some fancy cinematic cut-scenes that, while offering some eye-candy, also serve as a brief introduction into the game’s storyline. An asteroid is heading straight for the planet, but you’re locked away safely within your Ark – a series of underground cryogenic pods filled with the best and brightest of civilisation so that they could one day rebuild. Waking up from cryo-sleep it becomes apparent that something has gone terribly wrong, you’re the only survivor and from here on out it’s all downhill.

As one of the few survivors of the asteroid hit, you’re forced to find a place within the wastelands, slotting into society as and when you can, but times are hard and, from the outset, it’s clear that the world is one that is extremely harsh. Stepping out into the wastelands for the first time, you’re instantly taken away by the game’s art direction. With the id Tech 5 engine under the bonnet there’s a considerable amount of raw power available and it shows. There’s a distinctive look about Rage and it falls somewhere between the cel-shaded and uber realism setting. It’s actually rather hard to pin point exactly what it is but, regardless, the end results are that the game holds up exceptionally well in the graphics department and even on a console (Xbox 360) it performed without fault. On the PC version being played next to me it looked even better and I can easily say that it’s one of the best looking games, visually, that I’ve seen for a long time. It’s the complete package, from lighting and shadows, to the draw distance and the texturing; sublime.

A few steps into the outside world and you soon meet Dan Hagar, voiced by none other than John Goodman. Hagar plays the role of an interactive tutorial, guiding you through the game’s initial outings. Conveniently, Dan is the founder of the Hagar settlement, which is compromised of a petrol station and a shop; it’s not the prettiest of locales but it’s home – for the time being at least. It wasn’t long before I was given my marching orders and set off into the barren lands to chase down some bandits, otherwise known as combat training 101. The thing is, despite knowing that this whole section was a bit of a glorified tutorial, it got away with it because it felt like part of the main game. There was no, “go here, deliver this box of assorted tools and return to me” style mission, it was gun in hand and out the door.

The clan of bandits I needed to visit were holed up just outside of town and, with no idea how to go about things, I went in guns blazing. Combat was somewhat of a surprise as I was expecting, rather naively, something rather gritty; instead I was presented with a level of smoothness that was more at home within the likes of Doom and Quake – perhaps fitting, considering id Software’s heritage. It’s not just the mechanics of combat that are refreshing, but the way the guns looked also provoked a sly smile. As crude as they may look, the aesthetics of the weaponry have a rather dirty beauty, fitting into the game world seamlessly.

Guns can be further improved and customized via the use of various types of ammo and mods. Ammo itself is a self-explanatory addition, with a good example of the possibilities being the Combat Shotgun. Don’t like the standard buckshot that comes as standard? Then try some Pop Rockets – explosive grenade rounds which detonate on impact. Mods are some of the eyebrow raising additions that you can attach to your weapon, with the example I was able to see being the Burst Fire for the Settler Pistol – a modification which, upon firing one bullet at a foe, will automatically cause the rest of the clip to unload, in essence giving you eight bullets for the price of one.

I make my way through the bandit settlement and more and more enemies meet their end via my trusty pistol; a leg shot… the bandit starts hobbling away; another gets it through the arm and, dropping his gun, he turns to me only to be greeted by a bullet straight between his eyes and pop goes his head. It’s a bloody business but this is how you’d expect combat to be in a post-apocalyptic world, there are no friendly handshakes or doffing of one’s hat; this is survival of the fittest and with that said I’ve been captured, arse.

It seems that bandits don’t take kindly to intruders and I now find myself in a bit of a predicament. It gives the mission that extra layer of narrative that many games would have simply left out, opting to leave the mission as a simple run and gun experience if desired. My craving for a bit more background knowledge complete and, through a series of spoiler filled events, I get back to slaughtering anyone that comes near me, finishing up my task and heading back to town.

Taking a leaf out of the good book of role playing games, Rage borrows a few fundamental systems such as inventory and crafting. The inventory is, as you would expect, where the spoils of war end up – otherwise known as loot if you’re that way inclined. Items gathered from the wastelands have numerous uses: selling for money and for use in crafting being the two you’re likely to find yourself indulging in. Crafting was done via the tried and tested mechanic of ‘find a schematic/blueprint and build’. A locked door I had passed earlier in my play session proved no match the second time around, as my finely crafted lock grinder caused sparks to fly as it chewed through the bolts with ease.

Overall I was suitably impressed with Rage and was left believing that it could just have what it takes to crack into a highly competitive FPS market, while the elements it borrows from the RPG genre will, no doubt, be beneficial as it looks to carve out a name for itself. It goes without saying that fans of Fallout could well find a home away from the vaults, but there’s indication that Rage will have enough about it to forge a loyal fan base of its own. It’s an FPS at heart but looks to offer enough in terms of side quests and missions that will help break up the gameplay, as well as ensuring it lasts more than the growing standard of six hour campaigns. Coupled with some quality voice acting (I couldn’t stop thinking about Sully in Monsters, Inc.), stunning graphics and a variety of gameplay mechanics, id Software have taken the FPS genre and given it a good shake up and Rage is far better off for it.

Rage is due out Oct 4^th 2011 in North America, October 7^th 2011 in Europe and will be available for PC, Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. An iOS version titled Rage HD is currently available from within the Apple store.

I tried persuading Jeannie May to let me live in the dinosaur, but she wasn't having it.

A rather tall, fiery tempered, Scottish progressive rocker once sang “Call it synchronicity, call it déjà vu” and that’s precisely what sprung to mind in the first ten to fifteen minutes of my relationship with Fallout: New Vegas. It was an experience that I wasn’t really looking forward to as much I perhaps should have, given that I enjoyed Fallout 3 immensely, because my mind was naturally turning over those cynical thoughts where Obsidian would perhaps grab the ball and, rather than running purposely ahead, fumble and drop it. Would they do to the Batman movie franchise what Joel Schumacher did by over saturating the colour palette and sanitising it to the point where it was ultimately unwatchable, or would they step in as the Christopher Nolan and bring with them a darker edge and deeper storyline. While my friends and colleagues all looked forward to the release of New Vegas, I couldn’t help but approach the whole situation with more trepidation than excitement.

From the moment where the broody fanfare rumbled through the speakers, my excitement was rekindled and I started to imagine what I’d have to look forward to from this new game and what aspects would be carried over from Fallout 3. This is where I again come back to the subject of déjà vu from my opening line. The opening tutorial for Fallout: New Vegas did, to all intents and purposes, look and feel like it was more of an add-on than a new release. Given that it was widely known that Obsidian were using the same engine as Oblivion and Fallout 3, it stood to reason that there would at least be striking similarities but everything about the first fifteen minutes felt like it was an extremely overpriced add-on and I was torn between a sense of relief that it wasn’t going to be a bastardisation but also disappointed that it appeared to be more of the same with nothing to get excited over.

The problem I have at this point is that I’d much rather review Fallout: New Vegas as a standalone entity rather than taking the comparative stance and play both this and Fallout 3 against each other but, the fact remains, there is absolutely no way to ignore the existence of Fallout 3 when playing New Vegas. It is also fair to say that most people interested in the game would already have been exposed to its predecessor and have seen enough to know that screen shots from one are almost identical to those from the other. Aesthetically speaking, there is no difference between the two and so the comparisons will be made, regardless.

By the time I had taken my character out in to the wastelands of the New Californian republic, however, I began to notice differences between Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas – some very subtle, and some not. The HUD is identical, from the dialogue options through to the aesthetics of the PipBoy 3000 and the sections therein, but you very quickly realise that all is not as you’d think when you suddenly have spent shell casings in your inventory and your first encounters in Goodsprings lead you to a Workbench requiring no blueprints and a Reloading Bench that we’ll cover in more depth later.

The fact of the matter is that, no sooner do you start to immerse yourself in the game, it becomes very clear that this isn’t so much déjà vu where Obsidian have taken the existing game structure and simply tagged on a bunch of new quests, it’s more a case of synchronicity as they have instead put themselves into the mindset of Bethesda and expanded their world beyond belief. The result is the game that Fallout 3 could have been, were it not held back by some rather lacklustre scripting and shallow dialogue.

Much of the landscape is as you'd expect

I have said in previous articles that the story of the Capital Wasteland in Fallout 3 was wherever you chose to look for it, but rarely was it ever delivered to you by the voice actors themselves. As someone who doesn’t favour cut scenes and pointless dialogue, I found myself skipping a lot of the conversations in Fallout 3 because I knew that anything detrimental to the quest would be found in my journal and that anything I wanted to know about the Capital Wasteland could be found by simply having my eyes open to all of the subtle echoes around me. While the same can be said of Fallout: New Vegas for finding clues to back story within your surroundings, the dialogue has noticeably more depth than its predecessor and it makes it difficult to skip any dialogue prompts because so much is often said in silence, and reading between the lines of dialogue creates an entirely new direction for the character holding the conversation.

The level of conversation in Fallout: New Vegas can be typical of Fallout 3 at times but also has the ability to take you by surprise and none moreso than when my companion, Veronica, suddenly erupted into a tale of her life when all I wanted to do was to ask for her help to craft a Weapon Repair Kit. I had exhausted her dialogue options some fifteen hours prior to this and expected to access the new companion wheel as I clicked the A button but was instead met with a rather melancholy musing of her life growing up, lost love and her concern for the Elder that became a surrogate father to her. To say that Obsidian have added more conversation would be doing them a huge disservice on every level.

It’s not just an overhauled dialogue that lies beneath the surface, should you wish to scratch away at it, but the whole premise of post apocalyptic survival has been embraced and brought to the forefront. Rather than having to scavenge for ammunition in whatever crates are conveniently left untouched throughout the wasteland, this new breed of wanderer has adopted the sort of approach you’d expect from someone in such unforgiving circumstances – the MacGyver Syndrome. The addition of the Reloading Bench allows the character to not only create their own ammunition from component parts found strewn around the wasteland such as shell casings, primer and powder but the functionality is there to break down existing ammunition in to separate elements to be reconstructed in a more suitable manner. An inventory full of unwanted ammo can therefore become an easy way to replenish a diminishing stock of a more favoured calibre, providing you have enough empty shell casings. It’s also important to point out that empty shell cases do not carry any value, so picking them up from vendors or merchants is possible even if you have no caps at your disposal.

If you’re lucky enough to have a companion with built in crafting abilities, this aspect of the game can literally save your life when you’re in an area that you can’t fast travel from and you have expended all ammo from your weapon of choice. A quick jump in to the conversation area of the companion wheel opens up the crafting option and you’re then able to take another similar round and break it down to reconstruct as your chosen ammo. This is particularly useful when using the Sniper Rifle as .308 rounds aren’t as common as most other ammo types.

Perhaps the most drastic introduction to New Vegas is the option of Hardcore mode. The premise is clearly to emphasise that the game is primarily based on surviving a post nuclear wasteland with very little in the way of supplies or sustenance, where there is still no free flowing clean water source. Rather than having to monitor the previous personal statistics of CND, your overall health condition; RAD, the current level of radiation sickness; and EFF, the effect that any sickness or armour attribute is having on the character’s abilities, you also have to ensure that the character remains hydrated, well nourished and sleeps often to maintain a healthy disposition. The Hardcore mode also affects the way that Stimpaks and Rad-Away works, with both taking some time to work through the system rather than immediate healing, and Stimpaks being unable to heal damaged limbs, which are instead covered exclusively by a Doctor’s Bag. Adding insult to injury, all ammunition carries its own weight… so say goodbye to an inventory stacked full of “just in case” ammunition, because your encumbrance won’t allow it. As most people prefer to play the game solo, the introduction to Hardcore mode of a companion that actually dies rather than merely losing consciousness won’t have much impact on gameplay. Having said that, as much as Fawkes irritated the hell out of me in Fallout 3, I have grown rather fond of Veronica and her fantastic grasp of sarcasm.

Weapons. So... many... weapons!

While Hardcore mode does bring a whole new level of realism and finality to the game, it is also more distracting than I had originally considered. After less than an hour of playing in Hardcore mode, I found myself wishing that I didn’t want to max out the game because no achievement is worth reducing the game to a distracting level where you’re spending more time maintaining your character’s health and carefully speculating the need for every round of ammo you come across which, in turn, takes all the emphasis away from actually completing quests. Perhaps this annoyance would lift in time but, for me, it was too much to contend with when struggling to stay alive at the same time as trying to fend off an adult Deathclaw using a Varmint Rifle, and so I switched back to regular mode.

Another minor irritation in Fallout: New Vegas is that the “Very Hard” difficulty level has no bearing on how much XP is gained from each kill. In Fallout 3, I quickly found that “Normal” difficulty was much too easy by the time I’d reached level five, and so I kicked the gear up by moving to “Hard” and, not long after, to “Very Hard”. This meant that progressing through the levels was much quicker than before, with each kill awarding more XP as a multiplier based on the current difficulty level. With New Vegas, I immediately started playing in “Very Hard” mode and was disappointed to see that the XP was as you’d expect with “Very Easy” and, sure enough, reverting to a save and killing the same creature in the easiest mode awarded me with the same XP as the most difficult. This is, undoubtedly, to ensure more longevity with the game rather than being able to forge through each level from XP farming, but it would also have been preferred if raising the difficulty resulted in at least some sort of acknowledgement when it came to the experience points.

The introduction of factions makes for some interesting gameplay as certain quest lines will close off if allegiance is formed with a particular faction that has a detrimental effect on the story. Similarly, there are areas of the story which won’t become fully apparent until the character has a particular political leaning. This aspect of the game is further reinforced by allowing your character to don a disguise and pose as a member of a particular group whether there is an allegiance or not. This, as you can imagine, is beneficial if wearing the appropriate clothing to gain entry to an area controlled by one particular group but can also work against you if you forget to switch the clothing back to neutral apparel as anyone on an opposing side will naturally shoot first and ask questions later. Thankfully, an on-screen prompt pops up periodically to remind you that you’re wearing clothing from a specific faction.

In terms of the story itself, Fallout: New Vegas has done what Fallout 3 failed to achieve: to make you care about the outcome. There have been times where I have literally pondered and speculated for ten or fifteen minutes before deciding which decision to make during an important dialogue. Where the choices were very obvious before, with a clear balance between right and wrong, New Vegas has somewhat more ambiguous options and it’s impossible to know whether a decision made now will be the right one for further down the line, even if it seems like you’re making the correct choice at that moment in time. Similarly, most of the choices have no obvious leanings so the tried and tested RPG route of “Be the bad guy and make people suffer” or “Be the saviour and change everything for the better” are not present, and every choice has its own levels of ambiguity.

The individual stories of the previous Wasteland inhabitants, or the echoes as I call them, are more hard hitting than before. In one particular instance you find yourself reading computer logs in a local radio station where the journals tell how the first missile has been fired and that they expect the first impact in two minutes. It was, as you’d expect, the last entry for that person and it’s the first time I recall there being any talk of the initial impact. As morose as it is, it also serves to demonstrate the importance of subtext within the game, rather than taking everything at face value based on what someone has imparted to you in dialogue.

For every harsh reality being thrust in your face, there is also that trademark Fallout humour. While Fallout 3 was criticised for having all but ignored the humour of Fallout and Fallout 2 in favour for a dark and gritty first person shooter style role playing game, New Vegas has humour in abundance. The cynical and sarcastic attitude from certain NPCs in the game is perfectly placed to show how a life of abject poverty and destitution can become farcical when all those around are in the same position. When a world has been turned upside down to the point where you no longer covet your neighbour’s fancy car, but yearn for their bottle of irradiated pond water, it’s undeniable that the humour of the situation would eventually overtake the harshness and this game captures that cynicism perfectly.

Anyone disputing the existence of humour need only upload the specially crafted Holotape to a dormant Protectron to have it become FISTO the sexbot, demanding that your character “assume the position” if you want to test the effectiveness, resulting in your character disclosing that they’re unable to feel their legs. This is by no means the funniest encounter thus far, but one which I thought I’d share with you regardless. Other subtle touches include the charred remains of “Owen” and “Beru” outside a house in Nipton, clearly direct references to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru from Star Wars and a much welcomed departure from the desolate and barbaric surroundings.

Meet FISTO, my willing and obedient servant. Also the world's largest sex toy, I believe.

It’s also quote poignant that, in a world devoid of colour and any sort of flourish, the one area that remains standing after the missiles and resulting devastation is what’s left of Las Vegas. From certain areas of the map, New Vegas is a glowing beacon of hope that fills the night sky and calls travellers towards it like moths to a flame, in the hope of a better and brighter future. They yearn to escape the cruel and sadistic world to this desert oasis and forget about how bad life is outside of the walled city of neon lights. The truth is that the families which control New Vegas are as unscrupulous as they come and have no problems shooting first and asking questions later, bringing more corruption and negative influence than those outside, and so the reality is that to those dragged in to the seedy underbelly of New Vegas, the barren wasteland outside is more of an escape to them than the bright lights are to those who seek to gain entry.

While the map itself doesn’t appear to be much bigger than that of Fallout 3, there is considerably more to do and any idle wanderings tend to have plenty to explore, whether it’s a ruined house, a makeshift shack, gecko cave or even an abandoned gas station. Considering its desert location, there is a lot less time spent in uneventful wanderings from one place to another and the contrast between this and the previous game is obvious, with the inclusion of the odd areas of vegetation and clusters of cacti offering a daub of colour in an otherwise sepia world. Overall, however, there is a considerable amount of colour in Fallout: New Vegas with any posters and billboards being considerably more saturated and with a more positive slant than Fallout 3.

The voice casting in New Vegas is much better than expected, in terms of characterisation and the overall audio quality. Rather than hearing the same voices coming from countless NPCs throughout the game, most key characters have their own distinct voices and are easily recognisable. The days of the overused “well met” sampled phrase from Oblivion are nowhere to be found in New Vegas, thankfully. Felicia Day brightens up the journey as Veronica, complete with a quirky yet wry humour that radiates and never fails to raise a smile while Dave Foley from the much missed Kids In The Hall plays the outrageous Yes Man.

One thing I will say in favour of Fallout 3 over New Vegas is that Three Dog may have been a little too excitable at times, to the point where I’d often considered killing him to shut him up anyway, but at least he had personality. Wayne Newton as Mr New Vegas, on the other hand, plays his part devoid of any personality whatsoever. This may, of course, be primarily down to his scripting but I fear it’s more to do with lack of effort on his part and that made his presence on the radio more than I could bear. Another pat on the back for Fallout 3 where the actual licensed soundtrack is concerned because it was, as I’ve said before, a veritable masterpiece… a clutch of period songs perfectly woven together to carry the atmosphere and deliver a strong sense of irony to the listener, but the soundtrack of New Vegas is mediocre at best. There are sixteen tracks listed in New Vegas, only four shy of the twenty on offer from Fallout 3, yet I only ever remember hearing the same five songs whenever I happened upon a radio. It could be that I’ve been unlucky but, either way, the songs were far less memorable than before. This doesn’t affect the enjoyment of the game, but it does make me wonder why there appears to be less effort put in to the soundtrack this time around.

As far as the mechanics of the game are concerned, there’s not really that much to say other than it’s more or less the same as Fallout 3, with the exception of the Companion Wheel for easy control over your travelling companions. One thing I will touch on, however, are the glitches that are being widely reported across the ‘net. Thankfully, after 52 hours of playing so far, I haven’t encountered a single glitch apart from having the game on pause too long and coming back to find out that it had hung, although I would blame the XBox for this as it’s not something that I’ve ever found to be exclusive to Fallout New Vegas.

“We’re excited to continue the partnership between Bethesda and Microsoft, and build on the success of the game add-ons released for Fallout 3 on Xbox LIVE,” said Pete Hines, VP of Marketing and PR of Bethesda Softworks. “Fans will once again be able to continue their experience in the Fallout universe with the add-on packs planned for after the launch of the game.”

“Bethesda set a high bar with the quality of the Fallout game add-ons,” said Matt Barlow, General Manager, IEB Product Marketing for Microsoft. “We have no doubt that gamers will be thrilled with seeing a new add-on pack extend their adventures with Fallout: New Vegas on Xbox 360 and Xbox LIVE.”

Already being tipped by some as surpassing the level of depth in Fallout 3, this week’s Fallout: New Vegas release looks sure to get tongues wagging… or drooling.

Written by Chris Avellone, the game’s senior designer, Fallout: New Vegas – All Roads is closely integrated into the game’s story and even contains clues to in-game missions.

So, if you are too impatient to wait for the collector’s edition release on October 22nd, or want to tease yourself some more before the game’s release, then head to the app store:  http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/id388309548?mt=8

Yeah, we know, but he makes it look good

Ron Perlman, as the narrator
Matthew Perry
Wayne Newton
William Sadler
Zach Levi
Felicia Day
Michael Dorn
Kris Kristofferson
Danny Trejo
John Doman
Rene Auberjonois

All we can say here at GLHQ is that we were sold at Ron Perlman.  Just when we thought that we couldn’t possibly look forward to the game any more than we already are, they stick in Ron Perlman and Kris Kristofferson along with two DS9 actors.  Sold.  Again.

While many fans will be on the edge of their seats, crossing fingers, toes, and other extremities that this will be the year when Elder Scrolls V is finally announced, they may just have to make do with the other goodies on offer.

While Bethesda may be planning the next Elder Scrolls game as a surprise announcement which will drown the internet in drool, we’ll keep the hankies on standby for the inevitable disappointment.  In the meantime, shooter and RPG fans seem pretty well served…E3 is certainly looking tastier by the minute.

Brink

Fallout: New Vegas

It's important to remember that some zombies are slower than others!

Us gamers have a vast knowledge of what to do when the earth is in danger – whether it’s an alien invasion, an airborne Zombie Virus or a nuclear holocaust, we have the gaming knowledge to keep our virtual selves alive in desperate times. But what if one day a virus does break out, turning the whole world into zombies? Or nuclear war does hit, taking the all the world’s population by surprise and turning everything into a barren wasteland? Will us gamers out there have the knowledge to survive the harsh environment? With all this in mind, I have decided to come up with a guide to surviving the Apocalypse, this five-step program will take you through what to expect, covering zombies, nuclear fallout, alien invasion and, if we are super unlucky, hell on earth.

Step 1 – Arm yourself
If Fallout and Left 4 Dead 2 are anything to go by, pretty much anything can be used as a weapon. Whether its a magnum you have managed to stash away somewhere on your person, or a frying pan you have found just lying about, anything can be used to beat down the dangers that lurk on the Earth’s surface. Also, if games are anything to go by, you can hold a lot of weapons at any given time. According to DOOM II you can stash up to nine weapons on your person at once. Or, if you really wanna analyse your games for the Earth’s inevitable doom, play some GTA IV and see what clothes Niko Bellic is wearing because you can stash a whole array of weapons from pistols and sawn-off shot guns, to full-blown rocket launchers and sniper rifles… handy! Which brings us to step 2.

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you.... oh right, it's a rocket launcher? My bad!

Step 2 – Finding the right attire

In case of Apocalypse, dress up as a well known 1980s horror villain and people will be sure to steer clear

As I said in step one, a good route to go here is the GTAIV route because, lets face it, it has magic pockets to store your whole armory in. But defending yourself is also key to survival, and a good armored suit is the way to go in most cases. Unless you are Duke Nukem of course, then you can just wear a tank top and watch the bullets bounce of your huge pectorals.

Taking a look at Halo, Quake 4, Aliens Vs Predator and Doom, I think they are on to something here. Green and brown is this season’s Apocalypse colours, and are definitely good for camouflage whatever terrain you are – just make sure it is well armoured.

There are probably those of you out there who didn’t pack an Apocalypse bag before the earth was destroyed, so my advice to you (well more Fallout’s advice to you) is to grab anything you can and wear it, regardless if it’s a silly sack on your head or huge armour that probably weighs about a ton.

Step 3 – Finding shelter
You need somewhere safe to stay when any sort of Apocalypse strikes. In the case of zombies, if you manage to find a huge door that bolts shut then you’re in for a win. These doors can be found on any building – whether it is a block of flats, a country house or indeed an old wooden shack you will be just fine, once said door is bolted shut there will be a plethora of supplies and weapons for you.

In case of Nuclear Apocalypse however, it gets a bit more tricky… mainly because most things have been blown to smithereens. That said, you will find some places that have remarkably stayed intact, or you can just find a load of corrugated metal and build yourself a quaint little town, just make damn sure there isn’t a nuclear warhead in the middle of it. It could either explode or have crazy people worshipping it.

With an alien invasion however, you’re probably not going to have any shelter at all – you will mainly find yourself running around lots, shooting anything that moves but, having said that, I have heard space stations are a nice destination this time of the year.

The Rivet City Hilton. Yeah ok, it's not much... but we call it home.

Step 4 – Finding Sustenance and/or medical supplies
You want to stay alive, right? Well if games are anything to go by, food and drink will heal your broken bones within seconds. Fallout and Wolfenstein have both proved this theory. Whether it is a hot meal or a nice cool bottle of radiated cola you will feel better, and in no time that bite you got from a crazy dog will heal right up.

In other cases such as Left 4 Dead, you have to scout around for medi-packs. These things are stashed with bandages and well… bandages. You will feel right as rain in no time after you apply these magical fabrics. Having said that, if we take a leaf from Halo’s book, then simply stepping on medi-packs will automatically heal you, or if your feeling hardcore like Duke Nukem then simply kick a toilet in and drink the water. You will feel ready to kick some more butt in next to no time.

Yes Zero, even after the world has ended there'll still be penguins ready to meet your buttery fist

Step 5 (The Most Important) – DTA

Common practice for a post apocalyptic earth is to DTA – Don’t. Trust. Anybody. Look after number one at all times. Left 4 Dead teaches us that crying humanoid creatures really don’t want our help, they just want to rip our faces off, F.E.A.R. has shown us that small girls can really be mind-controlling, crazy things that can scare the living Jesus out of you and will also rip your face off. Lets face it, everything out there in post apocalyptic earth is just wanting to rip off your face. Dogs, zombies, zombie dogs. It’s pretty dangerous out there.

And there we have is it – my five step program to surviving doomsday and post apocalyptic earth.  If you haven’t gathered, by the way, Earth is the number one target for anything… so be warned.

There is one slight problem though. I haven’t played a game that tells me what to do when the ice caps melt. Bugger.