More trouble in paradise?

In a gaming world where sequels are as inevitable as zombie games, Techland may well be rubbing the two together to spark a second installment of their zombie-fest, Dead Island.  Dead Island was released a few months ago to wildly mixed reviews, with a glitch list to put a Boomer off its appetite, and focused on a zombie outbreak on the beautiful island resort of Banoi.

Despite the game’s critical reception, Dead Island went on to shift close to two million copies globally in its first week, meaning that a sequel was practically inevitable.  Indeed, according to C&VG, Polish devs, Techland have filed a trademark for ‘Dead World’.  Whether this means that we’ll be seeing the outbreak spread from the formerly luxurious resort of Banoi, onto the mainland, or whether it is set to be a Dead Island MMO (interesting), we can but speculate.  Regardless, we aren’t in the least bit surprised.

Four Podcasts, five guests and one incident in a toy shop later, the GamingLives Podcast returns to kick off October in style. Adam, Lee, Mark and Ben are joined on the show  by fellow GamingLives writers, Ed and Chris, as we take a look back at Eurogamer and ask if the event has sung us out of 2011 in style before moving on to brag about our first times… interviewing. There’s discussion on what we think is waiting beyond the horizon with the next generation, how the mainstream digital and print media need to up their game, and we sound off on the vocal talents that drive our experiences in-game, whether it be off a cliff or into the sunset.

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Hard Lines

Take on all comers, avoid collisions and score MILLIONS of points in this stunning game of skill and quick reflexes! Guide our plucky underdog hero Lionel in his epic task to KILL ALL LINES, pick up lovely GLOWY THINGS, fight for survival (in SPAAAAAACE!) and most importantly DON’T CRASH! This is literally the funniest game you will ever play that has a glowing yellow line as the main character.

Check out Spilt Milk Stuidos’ Hard Lines here >

GamingLives Eurogamer Expo Coverage

To finish off this years expo season GamingLives sends a small crack team of elite journalist commandos to London to bring you the very best previews and interviews an some of this Christmas’ big releases and a sneak peak at some of the video game gems we can expect early next year.

Our Full Eurogamer Expo Coverage here >

On Friday afternoon, while at Eurogamer, I was presented with the chance to interview two of the gaming industry’s biggest names. Doctors Ray Muzyka and Greg Zeschuk, the founders of BioWare, were allowing only a handful of journalists to speak with them and, knowing that this would be a once in a lifetime opportunity to meet the minds behind great titles such as…

Listen to the full interview here >

Scope of Beyond Good & Evil 2 requires next-gen consoles

If you ever need an argument to reinforce the idea that games are art, the works of Michel Ancel are a pretty good place to start looking. One of the game industry’s most recognizable developers, the energetic 39-year-old has been the driving force behind the quirky Rayman games, the stunning-for-its time adaptation of Peter Jackson’s King Kong remake, and the subversive…

Full interview on Gamesradar here >

Publisher Future Considering Magazine Closures

United Kingdom lifestyle website and magazine publisher Future plc has long publicised its challenge in maintaining operations in the United States, but if recent statements are an indicator, the company may announce a major move soon. In a note to investors ahead of the close of its fiscal year on September 30, company representatives said that a challenging quarter means…

Read the full news story over on gamasutra.com >

A Star-studded Skyrim Cast

Christopher Plummer, a two-time Emmy Award winner, two-time Tony Award winner and Academy Award nominee, takes on the role of Arngeir, a powerful Greybeard elder. An order of philosopher monks who are masters of the Way of the Voice, the Greybeards live in silent isolation atop Skyrim’s largest mountain. Academy Award nominee, Max Von Sydow, stars as Esbern, a chronicler and agent of the Blades who has survived in hiding. Long obsessed with the foretold return of the dragon Alduin, the World Eater…

More details over on the Beth-blog >

Zombie Proof House

Somehow, ritual drunk-conversation concerning team captains for the apocalypse has become a major part of the lives of 20-somethings. Having been matured in the Grandaddy-crowned masterpiece film (put “A.M. 180” on and forget that you have a job) 28 Days Later and the best-selling Zombie Survival Guide, we’re all a little too ready to deal with the 2012 of our dreams. “The Safe House,” designed by KWK Promes, starts to get eerily close to something I could work with…

Full details and photos on the zombie proof house >

Gamers moaned about Red Dead Redemption’s zombie DLC before even playing it yet it’s great fun! Others rolled their eyes at Black Ops having a zombie mode and, although I’m yet to try it, some friends say it’s their favourite part of the multiplayer. Left 4 Dead and it’s sequel have had tremendous success, Dead Nation got great reviews and Dead Rising 2, while flawed, is still incredibly amusing whenever I’ve delved into co-op mode. Zombie games sell because people like me adore them!

I agree that they shouldn’t be shoved into any old game for the sake of it, and the gameplay itself is incredibly important, but I don’t feel this has been the case yet. If there had been a spate of badly made, poorly selling zombie games then I would agree however they’ve been appearing with enough variety in gameplay and stories to keep fans happy.  If they don’t float your boat then fair enough but why begrudge others their enjoyment? There are thousands of other games out there for you to choose from. I’m never found tutting and making snide comments when yet another generic shooter appears on the shelves, as they obviously have their fans so please leave my beloved zombies alone! With that in mind I would like to celebrate my favourite video game brain-munchers with my personal top five zombies.

Zombie
From Zombies Ate My Neighbors
I was only twelve or thirteen at the time and my memory of the game is hazy but it would have been my first experience with the pixelated undead. A bit like a Dead Rising for the 90s with numerous unusual items to use as weaponry against the hordes of zombies, vampires and demon babies.

Boomer
From Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2
Picking one of the Special Infected was hard. I like the satisfaction of being a Spitter and hearing the “dingdingdingding” while my acid burns the Survivors, I like the power and panic caused by being a Tank, I like sneaking about and tonguing my victim as a Smoker but I think I have to plump (pun not intended) with the Boomer. He’s the first one I learnt to control properly and, oozing pustules aside, he’s cuddly, works well with Infected in messing up the other team, makes cute gurgling noises and lets me yell “I VOMMED, IN YOUR FACE, MWARHAHAA” to my friends. Not something I get to say much. The sequel introduced us to the Lady Boomer so I reckon Mr Boomer is the only Infected potentially getting some hot bedroom action. If a Left 4 Dead 3 doesn’t contain a duckling-like line of Baby Boomers I’ll be disappointed.

Buckethead Zombie
From Plants Vs Zombies
Popcap, I love you. This game has stolen chunks of my life and has, probably, the best end credits song from anything, ever. I find most of the zombies complete bastards, especially those bungee ones, however my favourite has to be the buckethead. Essentially a simple, gormless looking corpse but a little bit smarter than the idiot with the traffic cone, thanks to his makeshift armour.

The Zombies
From I MAED A GAM3 W1TH Z0MBIES 1N IT!!!1
Okay, I’ll confess, this game is too damn trippy for me to have bonded with any specific ’character’ in it but I couldn’t celebrate zombies without giving it a mention. It was released in 2009 on the Xbox Live Indie Arcade and sold over 300,000 copies in the first year of release mostly thanks to word of mouth. It’s a fairly simple twin-stick shooter but incredibly addictive, costs about 50p and is worth it for the theme tune alone.

Sarah Reese
From Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare
Sarah is the latest zombie to enter my life. She is my chosen Red Dead multiplayer character; who wouldn’t want to play as a zombie hooker? She flashes a bit of breast, has one dangling eyeball, filthy knickers and communicates with unearthly moans. What’s not to love?

Every week it feels like another soldier-based FPS is released. Gaming shop shelves heave under the weight of racers. Numerous fighting games are regularly being developed. However, I wouldn’t dream of complaining and often enjoy dabbling with different genres. When you look at the massive variety of games released each year on all the consoles and PC you’ll realise what a small percentage involves any zombies. I have no idea yet whether Dead Island will be a good game or not but I’m excited by the idea of it.  So hey, gamer, leave them ghouls alone.

Dooood... you're like... all totally weirdified and like... green maaaan!

Love me, love my Dead Rising. That’s the first thing I say to all the girls. We’re inseparable. I bring a certain ranty something, Dead Rising brings fun in spades. I love its humour, its versatility, its powerhouse zombie-manipulating game engine. Dead Rising is, without question, a ten out of ten game. It crams in so much gaming goodness that yeah you can subtract a couple of points for niggles in the game, but only if you start your scoring from twelve.

However, Dead Rising first shuffled onto the Xbox 360 some four years ago. Survival horror has changed; it’s all flashlight wielding novelists and Silent Hill weirdness. Even Resident Evil 5 ditched all the zombies and instead played like Gears of Africa, so when Capcom announced Dead Rising 2 I was ready. And by ready I mean priasmic.

Then Crackdown 2 came along. Instead of breathing new life into an old favourite, it gave it a blood transfusion. From that jar labelled ‘F. Mercury’. It was bad times. No invention, no spark. Just chore and bollocks. Suddenly I was filled with a sense of inevitable disappointment. Would Dead Rising 2 show the world what Capcom are capable of four years later or would it just be the same game trotted out again?

In good time, readers. Firstly let me tell you about the plot. And by plot I mean ‘plot’ – with a sneer. Short version: you play as Chuck Greene, a refreshingly normal motorcross rider (none of this Pepsi Max ‘gnarly’ bollocks with Chuck) who rides to Fortune City (Vegas, basically) to enter a zombie-flavoured Running Man-esque game show in order to score some cash. He needs it to buy Zombrex, an expensive drug that fights the effects of zombie bites on living people, buying them an extra day at a time of not going straight to the BRAAIIINSSS section of the menu. This is because his daughter Katey is infected and needs more time to play her PSP or something.

Yeah hi, excuse me... do you happen to know where the "Dodgy Miami Vice Clothing Store" is? You don't? You sure??

After the inevitable tits-up moment where all the zombies escape, Chuck is framed for letting them out and spends the rest of the game searching for the real culprits while also rescuing survivors. In his way are thousands of zombies as well as a sprinkling of psychopaths (mostly a bunch of whining twats that are practically immune to bullets) that act as bosses in the game. So far, so Dead Rising.

Here’s the main thing though: the one thing I want you to take from this review is that this IS Dead Rising. You start in a security room, you leave through a vent, after a corridor you emerge into a shopping mall that leads to more shopping malls, a food court, a cinema and some tunnels. Sound familiar? No. Sounds identical. The only difference is that they’ve also added a few casinos. Unfortunately these are all identical and serve only to remind you that this game doesn’t really have any new ideas. Compared to the first game, everything here is as flat and featureless as Chris Brown’s girlfriend’s face.

The core gameplay mechanics are unchanged as well with the same controls and combat as before, although this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are some refinements though and these will excite those people who thought Dead Rising was far too hard but serve only to alienate us Willamette veterans. Firstly, they relaxed the save system a lot; you now have three save slots and also the game will offer to save after Case File missions (these are the important story milestones that you need to complete to see the good endings).

Survivors are much, much easier to rescue now. At first I put this down to better AI or durability but when you’re out in the malls and casinos it soon becomes apparent that the zombies are just there to slalom around. It is much quicker to bob and weave past them than it is to twat them with weapons. They really don’t seem that interested and as a result you can easily escort multiple survivors with literally no risk.

I’ve now completed two playthroughs of the game – getting every possible survivor – and didn’t struggle at all. Well apart from the occasional cheap boss but then all you need to beat them is a couple of spiked bats and some decent food items. This ridiculously easy difficulty setting more or less kills any tension in the game and is the reason I can’t score it any higher than a seven. It feels like playing the original Dead Rising on a difficulty created by Make-A-Wish for Jade Goody.

Apart from that, the other new features include the ability to combine weapons to make other weapons. These can be amusing but the spiked baseball bat (available from just outside the safe area, and it respawns) is pretty much the answer for everything in the game. Guns are next to useless and most of the combo weapons are either too slow or not durable enough. Also, for a game that seems to want you to explore and try out new ideas, the time limits on all the missions don’t really encourage you to play in this particular sandbox. Oh and that prick’s trick of hiding away survivors and not telling you about them definitely rears its ugly head here as well.

A tight, if unnecessary, co-op mode is the only other notable addition and while this plays very solidly, the lack of difficulty in the game more or less invalidates the whole point of this mode. They’ve also seen fit to introduce a competitive multiplayer mode based on more Running Man style minigames. These are okay but this game is already pretty dead online which makes it tricky to get a match.

It was never like this when Dave Lee Travis presented Kickstart!

Presentation-wise not much has changed either. The graphics have a distinctly 2006 look to them (although the zombie count seems much highter now) and the sound is a mixture of okay voice acting and bad rap-metal music. There are still plenty of nice little comic touches here and there but nothing worth writing about. Also, the plot gets decidedly less interesting as it goes along, culminating in ‘Overtime’ Mode which is a tedious series of fetch quests topped with a shitty boss battle and an ending that I’ve already managed to forget. It’s worth noting that my second playthrough of the game was vastly improved over the first because I was able to skip the cutscenes guilt-free.

Those of you who haven’t really dabbled in the series should check out Case: Zero on XBLA as it offers a cheap way into the world of Dead Rising. If you like it, this is maybe the game to get as the original Dead Rising was nothing if not uncompromising. If, like me, you loved the original game and wanted another tight and tense game but in a fresh, new setting then I’m sorry to tell you but the rot has already set in.

7/10

Capcom have thrown their weight behind the world’s first political zombie gathering which will be shuffling towards the Houses of Parliament at the end of the month.  For those zombie lovers with a taste for politics (and braaaiiinnns) who fancy getting involved, stick your ears back on and take a seat because the weird and wonderful details are to follow…

Newly formed political party, CURE (Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality), after the success of its general election campaign, will be taking its cause to the UK government in spectacular style on August 30th with a gathering of like minded undead and supporters.  Up to 100 zombies will be campaigning outside the Houses of Parliament for equal rights for the undead in a manifesto which includes the following:

• To permit the marriage of living and the undead
• To increase the minimum statutory retirement age to beyond death
• To make cemeteries more comfortable for their inhabitants

Everyone who attends will shuffle away with some swag in the form of a limited edition t-shirt to celebrate this momentous occasion, with a prize of a game console for the best dressed zombie.

“This is a brilliant cause, and one which Capcom heartily endorses,” says Leo Tan, Capcom. “As the leading publisher of zombie-related videogames, we feel very strongly that any hostile treatment they receive in our games is recognised as being entirely fictional – the undead are people too.”

“It’s going to be a great day to be undead,” says Stacey Forsythe, spokesperson, Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality. “Our gathering will be loads of fun, and provide a real talking point in Westminster. We’re hoping that the spectacle will bring smiles to those in the area on Bank Holiday – but also make people think about the undeadly serious issues which face zombies these days.”

Due to licensing and security regulations, anyone hoping to attend must pre-register by, in the first instance, emailing votecure@googlemail.com. So, for all those who care about the equal rights of minority or persecuted groups, take action now and get involved.  Don’t let zombie rights get left 4 dead because, fair citizens, August 30th will become known as the Day of the Dead, when those flaking, peeling, decomposing members of our beloved isle took action and began to change the course of UK history, forging a better future, for not only Zombies, but our other undead brethren…Vampires, Werewolves, and Wraiths.

Time: August 16th 2010
Place: Old Palace Yard, Westminster

Be there or be dead.  Strict dress code.  Decomposition optional.  No chainsaws.

More info can be found on the official CURE website.

We Need Guns. Lots Of Guns
The first rule of any survival guide be it against zombies, aliens, Nazis, zombie Nazis, zombie aliens or political unrest on a South American island is to stock up on weaponry. Carry as many guns as you can, however this rule should really be prefixed with “buy a magical, Tardis-like backpack” because I shudder to think where you would hide a bazooka without one. Failing the acquisition of said magical backpack, sellotaping revolvers to your knees is an acceptable alternative. The next question you might ask is “where do I get all these wonderful toys?” Well it seems that, in most tropical islands, black-market weapons dealers are ten-a-penny and are all more than happy to show their wares to a complete stranger, so my advice is to approach random people and simply ask if they have any guns for sale. Who knows, they might even mistake you for a freedom fighter looking to save their town and give you a substantial discount.

I knew budget airlines were bad but this is ridiculous!

Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need Roads
Tropical islands are big places so, with that in mind, rule two is simple: find transport. Depending on the island you’ve chosen to visit, there are a number of ways to acquire a vehicle. You could do the civilised thing and buy one from either a reputable car salesman or from your less reputable friendly neighbourhood black-market trader but if you’re feeling slightly more adventurous you could try hijacking a military vehicle, although expect to be shot to hell and back. It’s also common knowledge that in such troubled countries, people willingly leave their car unlocked and the keys in the glove box, so you may want to take full advantage of their trusting nature by stealing a parked car off the roadside – although be careful that it’s not a specifically colour coded faction vehicle, they might get angry at you for taking their ride.

If cars and bikes aren’t your thing then you can usually find alternative modes of transport such as boats, planes and helicopters (because everyone knows that if you can drive a car, you can fly a plane) or if you’re feeling particularly brave you could also try base jumping off tall buildings. As Just Cause teaches us, you can travel the entire length of an island with inventive use of a rappel and a parachute, although you might get mistaken for Spider-Man and asked to save someone who’s trapped in a burning building.

Umm... a little help!?

All In The Family
Having friends in high places is always beneficial, no matter what your circumstances might be but on an island filled with bent cops and political unrest, becoming best pals with some of the local gangs and factions can help you out a lot. Maybe the authorities have decided that you shooting their captain was naughty and wish to teach you a lesson. Without any allies, you’d be highly outnumbered and have to escape in the first vehicle you can find (which is usually a rust covered old banger that seems to explode on sight). With a bevy of buddies from a local faction on your side however, you can let a gang war unfold on your behalf while you skulk quietly out of town. Having a few friends on the island might also provide you with monetary help, offering you jobs, weapons and vehicles in return for your loyalty.

Arnold Vosloo knows how it is... he's already practising for Natal

I Want My Mummy
Rule four is quite a tricky one: become Arnold Vosloo. On the list of Hollywood badasses, Mr Vosloo is pretty low on the list. Even as the near invincible mummy Imhotep, he managed to get his arse kicked by floppy haired comedy actor Brendan Fraser. Twice. For some reason however, Atari decided he was perfect to play Foreign Legion veteran Saul Myers in their distinctly average shoot-em-up Boiling Point: Road to Hell. Why he was chosen I don’t know, but as many games – including Boiling Point and Just Cause 2 – seem to point out, a prerequisite of surviving on a tropical island seems to be the use of terrible acting and stereotypical Mexican accents.

So there you have it, four simple rules for dating my teenage daughter… I mean four simple rules for surviving a revolution on a South American jungle island. Maybe next time you shouldn’t book a holiday in such a stupid location. I hear Iceland’s quite nice this time of year…

Oh my, it appears that you've uttered a profanity. However will I forgive you?

See what I did there? No? Ah well, perhaps I should have used a pun based on music from this century. Anyways…

What do you think the biggest advance in modern gaming is? Motion control? Cell Processors? Super duper shiny graphics and stereo sounds? No. The clue was in the title – go on, have another look at it and see if you can work it out while I go and have a cup of tea…

Ok, back. Did you guess? That’s right children – online gaming. To me, a recent convert it is like magical voodoo in your lounge. Magical voodoo that allows you to make friends and blow shit up/beat people up/race cars really fast/play UNO with people all around the world who you will likely never actually meet in real life as if they were sat right next to you on your sofa.

However, there is a dark side to all of this. Forget the Daily Mail baiting excesses of Rockstar, or the ridiculous ‘titillation’ (with the emphasis firmly on ‘tit’) of the DOA ‘games’. I’m talking about addiction. Real, solid 24 carat teeth itching addiction. The kind that turns the life and soul of the party into a homeless junkie drop out.

I can’t say, even though I am a fairly avid gamer, that I have finished many game campaigns in the last twelve months and, of those that I have, I bet that more than half were done co-operatively. LIVE has come to completely dominate my gaming habits, to the extent that even when I AM alone online (and my 360 is ALWAYS online when it’s switched on) I will still have my headset firmly strapped in place, like a baby clutching his security blanket even though it’s broad daylight and all his friends and family are in the room. There I will sit, often aimlessly going through the menus or absent mindedly playing Peggle or Geometry Wars, waiting for that distinctive ‘ping’ that announces a friend has appeared online to whom I can talk or with whom I can share a game.

The sad reality is that, if this were real, the numbers would rival Arlington Cemetary

This, I have to say, has not been an easy revelation to come by. It was in fact brought into sharp focus for me by recent events, namely the loss of my first 360 (which in itself was an event that made me feel I had passed some kind of gamer initiation test) Currently, my ol’ faithful (if that is an appropriate name for a piece of electrical equipment that lasted a paltry 18 months) is residing somewhere in a landfill, the result of my ill advised attempt at self repair to avoid the extortionate cost of M$ actually fixing their godawful mess. As money is tight in the G household of late, I was forced to ‘go without for a while’. It was the metaphorical equivalent of quitting smoking – in fact it was worse (I actually quit smoking over a year ago and found it relatively easy)I had everything – the shakes, the irritability, the constant feeling of unaccountable loss. And what was worse (and more telling for my point) I couldn’t bring myself to make the ‘effort’ of playing a game on any of my other numerous systems.

But, then came the good part. The shakes subsided, the irritability faded and I began to re-discover all the things that I had lost in my constant LIVE-fuelled haze of late nights, headshots and last ditch wins. I saw more of my lovely wife, we had had more time for ‘special quality time’ (if you don’t know what I’m referring to there you are definitely not old enough to be reading this – get out!) I re-discovered my love of reading (and indeed polished off dozens of books), watched more films, went out more, slept better and even finally kick started my potential future career in publishing by scoring a gig proof reading for a US publisher in my spare time. In short, I started living life again with all of those hours that LIVE was no longer taking from me.

Of course, this couldn’t go on forever. The Wii, DS, PSP, PS2 et al could only amuse for so long. So recently, with the pleas of my online friends becoming ever more strident, and my bank balance finally starting to look a bit healthier (thanks to the aforementioned proof reading) I finally took the plunge and bought myself a replacement Jasper chipped arcade, which t’interwebz faithfully promises will definitely absolutely not overheat (cause of death of the last one) RROD or do any other thing that we inexplicably accept as a community from a £150 electronic device every 6-18 months. Probably. Coming back has been both lovely, and also hard. You see, I have commitments now, as well as having recently re-discovered a whole slew of other interests that fulfil me every bit as much as gaming. But like that first cigarette after a long abstinence, the temptation is there to throw oneself in again wholesale, throwing caution to the wind as you chain your way through three packs in an hour. So to speak.

From feeling like a zombie without the XBox 360 to slaying them in co-op... I see a pattern emerging!

However, interestingly, my newly self imposed restraint has not been the hard part (would be a fairly dull article otherwise). Moderation of my habit has been relatively straightforward, especially with the support (and indeed temptation) of my lovely wife. Last Saturday night though, I arranged ‘a night’. You know the kind – pick a game, arrange a time to meet up and finish at ? o’clock the next morning. My wife approved of this ‘treat’ to myself, so the stage was set, and at 9:30 pm, I duly arrived online to hook up with my compadre to play some of the incomparable L4D2 campaigns. Zombie slaying all nighter? No brainer…

Alas, it wasn’t to be. My intentions were good, I promise, but by midnight it was obvious to me (and everyone else in the party) that I was flagging. My eyes were drooping, my reflexes were all to cock and my game (never admittedly particularly strong) had gone to shit. I tried to persevere, but the writing was on the safehouse wall – by 1am it was painfully apparent that I had to call it quits before I REALLY embarrassed myself, and I finally accepted defeat and hung up my pad.

So, is that it? Has my love affair with gaming ended? Have I finally done the unthinkable and ‘grown up’?

Have I bollocks.

This game will help to blow the cobwebs from the Wii... finally!

Since experiencing a lack of LIVE, I have re-discovered so many other passions, not the least of which was (eventually) gaming on other formats, something that when I came to think of it I hadn’t actually done all that much of at all since first getting LIVE a little over two years ago. I have a forty minute commute on the train to work. I have a DS and a PSP. It shouldn’t be a difficult equation. Yet I hadn’t been giving either machine any love at all. I was either playing the 360, sleeping or thinking about the playing the 360. Even my (whisper it) Wii has finally been dusted off and is getting some love (when I get some more cash I desperately want Monster Hunter Tri). It’s not just gaming that has expanded – my job has suddenly become a potential career with prospects and responsibility, and married life has become even more fun (nudge wink saynomore)

So whereas this may seem a bit of an odd piece for a gaming website, I actually think its a good message for all of us. Yes its a cliché, but clichés become clichés by virtue of being true, and never a truer word was spoken than ‘all good things in moderation’. Gaming is awesome, and will always be a HUGE part of my life, but I have come to realise that there is a thin line between passion for a pastime, and allowing the pastime to rule your life to the detriment of so may others.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my wife has THAT gleam in her eye again. Duty calls…

It's important to remember that some zombies are slower than others!

Us gamers have a vast knowledge of what to do when the earth is in danger – whether it’s an alien invasion, an airborne Zombie Virus or a nuclear holocaust, we have the gaming knowledge to keep our virtual selves alive in desperate times. But what if one day a virus does break out, turning the whole world into zombies? Or nuclear war does hit, taking the all the world’s population by surprise and turning everything into a barren wasteland? Will us gamers out there have the knowledge to survive the harsh environment? With all this in mind, I have decided to come up with a guide to surviving the Apocalypse, this five-step program will take you through what to expect, covering zombies, nuclear fallout, alien invasion and, if we are super unlucky, hell on earth.

Step 1 – Arm yourself
If Fallout and Left 4 Dead 2 are anything to go by, pretty much anything can be used as a weapon. Whether its a magnum you have managed to stash away somewhere on your person, or a frying pan you have found just lying about, anything can be used to beat down the dangers that lurk on the Earth’s surface. Also, if games are anything to go by, you can hold a lot of weapons at any given time. According to DOOM II you can stash up to nine weapons on your person at once. Or, if you really wanna analyse your games for the Earth’s inevitable doom, play some GTA IV and see what clothes Niko Bellic is wearing because you can stash a whole array of weapons from pistols and sawn-off shot guns, to full-blown rocket launchers and sniper rifles… handy! Which brings us to step 2.

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you.... oh right, it's a rocket launcher? My bad!

Step 2 – Finding the right attire

In case of Apocalypse, dress up as a well known 1980s horror villain and people will be sure to steer clear

As I said in step one, a good route to go here is the GTAIV route because, lets face it, it has magic pockets to store your whole armory in. But defending yourself is also key to survival, and a good armored suit is the way to go in most cases. Unless you are Duke Nukem of course, then you can just wear a tank top and watch the bullets bounce of your huge pectorals.

Taking a look at Halo, Quake 4, Aliens Vs Predator and Doom, I think they are on to something here. Green and brown is this season’s Apocalypse colours, and are definitely good for camouflage whatever terrain you are – just make sure it is well armoured.

There are probably those of you out there who didn’t pack an Apocalypse bag before the earth was destroyed, so my advice to you (well more Fallout’s advice to you) is to grab anything you can and wear it, regardless if it’s a silly sack on your head or huge armour that probably weighs about a ton.

Step 3 – Finding shelter
You need somewhere safe to stay when any sort of Apocalypse strikes. In the case of zombies, if you manage to find a huge door that bolts shut then you’re in for a win. These doors can be found on any building – whether it is a block of flats, a country house or indeed an old wooden shack you will be just fine, once said door is bolted shut there will be a plethora of supplies and weapons for you.

In case of Nuclear Apocalypse however, it gets a bit more tricky… mainly because most things have been blown to smithereens. That said, you will find some places that have remarkably stayed intact, or you can just find a load of corrugated metal and build yourself a quaint little town, just make damn sure there isn’t a nuclear warhead in the middle of it. It could either explode or have crazy people worshipping it.

With an alien invasion however, you’re probably not going to have any shelter at all – you will mainly find yourself running around lots, shooting anything that moves but, having said that, I have heard space stations are a nice destination this time of the year.

The Rivet City Hilton. Yeah ok, it's not much... but we call it home.

Step 4 – Finding Sustenance and/or medical supplies
You want to stay alive, right? Well if games are anything to go by, food and drink will heal your broken bones within seconds. Fallout and Wolfenstein have both proved this theory. Whether it is a hot meal or a nice cool bottle of radiated cola you will feel better, and in no time that bite you got from a crazy dog will heal right up.

In other cases such as Left 4 Dead, you have to scout around for medi-packs. These things are stashed with bandages and well… bandages. You will feel right as rain in no time after you apply these magical fabrics. Having said that, if we take a leaf from Halo’s book, then simply stepping on medi-packs will automatically heal you, or if your feeling hardcore like Duke Nukem then simply kick a toilet in and drink the water. You will feel ready to kick some more butt in next to no time.

Yes Zero, even after the world has ended there'll still be penguins ready to meet your buttery fist

Step 5 (The Most Important) – DTA

Common practice for a post apocalyptic earth is to DTA – Don’t. Trust. Anybody. Look after number one at all times. Left 4 Dead teaches us that crying humanoid creatures really don’t want our help, they just want to rip our faces off, F.E.A.R. has shown us that small girls can really be mind-controlling, crazy things that can scare the living Jesus out of you and will also rip your face off. Lets face it, everything out there in post apocalyptic earth is just wanting to rip off your face. Dogs, zombies, zombie dogs. It’s pretty dangerous out there.

And there we have is it – my five step program to surviving doomsday and post apocalyptic earth.  If you haven’t gathered, by the way, Earth is the number one target for anything… so be warned.

There is one slight problem though. I haven’t played a game that tells me what to do when the ice caps melt. Bugger.