Here's a bunch of one liners;
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms? For traction in the mud.
What's the difference between purple and pink? The grip.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
If doves are the bird of peace, what are the birds of true love? Swallows.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don't have balls to scratch!
Why are Pirates called Pirates?
Because they ARRRRRRRGH!
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today,
I wish, I wish he’d go away...
— William Hughes Mearns, Antigonish
Friend in work got this as a text message today and I liked it.
Following on from the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead, Elton John has decided to release a song in memory of him, it's called Sandals In The Bin.
Now we know.
Right, hopefully no-ones heard this one before. It's one of my fav's:
Two men walking through the desert. They are starving and then out of no-where find a Bacon tree. Literally a tree full of bacon! One guy turns to the other and says "I'll find us some wood to start a fire to cook the bacon, you stay here and guard the Bacon tree. The other agree's and the first guy walks off.
He comes back about 2 hours later with the wood for the fire and see's the other guy slumped by the tree. He looks at him, barely alive. He's full of arrows, stab wounds, and bullet holes. He's close to death.
"What happend?" asked the guy carrying the wood
The injured guy turned to him and with his dying breath said "It wasn't a bacon tree...... It was a ham bush"
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