Steam: Asphyx1ateD | PS3: PhantoM- | 360: PhantoM XI
Waiting for: Day Z Standalone / PS4
Currently playing: GTA V / The Last of Us
Latest Platinum & 1000G: Metal Gear Solid 4 / FIFA 13
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Back in the day, if you bought the home version of an arcade game it was a fucking gamble. Some of the time it'd be a passable attempt at a port/conversion but often it'd be an unrecognisable mess. Made of shit.
Double Dragon was one of those conversions. The ZX Spectrum version was so bad you couldn't work out what was worse: the graphics or the gameplay. It was so fucking beyond shit. But that's not the one.
There was an arcade game called Renegade which was very similar to Double Dragon and the Speccy version was even better than the arcade game. Fucking sweet game, still in my top ten of all time. I still fire it up to this day. The sequel in some ways was even better. I prefer the original but the sequel had bigger graphics, better music and 2-player co-op. Awesome.
Then Renegade 3 came out. It got a Crash Smash (a pretty good indicator that it'd be amazing) and I got it as soon as my pocket money could afford it.
ABSOLUTE FUCKING BAG OF SHIT.
Graphically it was ugly as shit with piss-poor animation and stupid themed levels. Instead of it being a street fight, you were now fighting comedy knights and fucking dinosaurs. Gameplay was utterly fucked. Totally fucking shit. The main character lost most of his moves, there was an overly harsh time limit and did I mention fucking dinosaurs? Yes I did because only a cunt would put dinosaurs in a fucking fighting game.
Suffice to say, I never trusted Crash magazine again. And I hope Jon Deakin and Ivan Horn (the cunts who made the game) die in front of their kids.
We clearly see entirely different games, you know... like with EDF?
Oooooooh it's an invisible signature... oooooooooh!!
"If you want me to 'act professional', I can tell you that I'm not interested. I'm sitting in my home office wearing a bathrobe. The same way I'm not going to start wearing ties, I'm *also* not going to buy into the fake politeness, the lying, the office politics and backstabbing, the passive aggressiveness, and the buzzwords. Because THAT is what 'acting professionally' results in: people resort to all kinds of really nasty things because they are forced to act out their normal urges in unnatural ways."
I liked Circle Jerk Doom because of the following;
It was linear as fuck. Sweet. No more trapsing over to the fucking other continent to pick up a key for some daft cunt. One direction. FORWARD GO!
I loved the music soooooooo much.
4-player co-op my dads!
The French character was beyond shit and MY GOD the weapon creation stuff was incredibly complicated but it was a super-lovely looter.
Horrible max though. Took me forever. Korean madness. Fun times.