I was originally going to post about this in the rant topic, but frankly, I'm so utterly appalled by what came in my mail today that I felt it deserved its own topic, here in the retail section, on account of the fact that I will NEVER, EVER buy ANYTHING from Play.com again.
The item in question is my Assassin's Creed Brotherhood Limited Codex Edition boxset. I waited up all morning for the thing, despite not managing to get any sleep at all last night. I was super excited for this thing, I've had it on preorder for the last six months or more, since five minutes after it was announced.
It arrived not in a box, but in one of those blue-ish purply courier sacks, which wasn't wrapped around the game inside it, but left baggy, so that the game was swinging around inside. This set off my first alarm bell.
When I opened said courier sack, there were 3 items. The game, the receipt print out, and... a single scrap of bubble wrap floating around on its own, not wrapped around the game, not big enough to wrap around a quarter of the box the game was in, and not even taped on or anything. It had no business being in that sack at all, for all the good it was doing. In fact, it was such a small, disconnected, and pathetic looking bit of bubble wrap that it moved from the realm of incompetent packaging and into being an obvious, personal, deeply wounding insult. I couldn't wrap this bit of bubble wrap around my cock if I were fully erect, so whoever placed this raggedy piece of forlorn tail end superfluous waste into my package must have known precisely what they were doing, unless possibly they had just been beaten with shovels whilst drunken to the point of brain damage, just after a full frontal lobotomy performed whilst they were being skull-fucked by a horse. To say that whoever did this was either catastrophically stupid and/or utterly vindictive towards me or the world in general is too much of an understatement. This braindead vengeful fuckwit will undoubtedly be the next president of the United States of America.
Needless to say, the outer box of the game is dented to hell and back, having absorbed undiminished every single knock from Play's warehouse to me here in Cornwall. It looks like it's been used to play rugby.
I had low expectations, but was pleasantly surprised on opening the thing to see that the special chest was seemingly whole and intact. Which I put solely down to the fact that it looks nice from a distance but up close is a kind of cheap, nasty, tacky, shock resistant PVC shite.
And then I opened the lid.
I say I opened the lid. It fell off. The posts used to hold the lid in place, four of them, in each corner, were all snapped off. Every one. The lid stays in place when you have the chest the right way up because the underside protrudes several millimetres into the chests interior cavity. But the moment you tilt it slightly, mine now falls apart.
Essentially I paid seventy pounds British sterling for the privilege of Play.com to send me the game I was most looking forwards to this holiday season, in a state that as a collector I find utterly abhorrent. And it is a collector's set. An expensive collector's set, a rare one with a small production run. I bought a mug for a fiver from Play almost exactly a year ago for a Secret Santa thing on another site (which I was also shafted over, but not by Play, so never mind), and that came in a box six times too large that was filled, absolutely stuffed, with packing materials and rolled up paper, so that the mug wasn't going to break if the package fell from an aircraft. But now I spend 14 times as much and they essentially stick their fingers up at me. They may as well have foregone all additional packaging and stuck a stamp on the game itself, right on the box, and sent that.
Fuck you Play.com. Fuck you you bunch of unspeakable cunts. You've lost yourself a customer for life, you're going on the same list with Zavvi.
I haven't even been able to phone them or email them to complain, because I am so apoplectic that I know I'd instantly get hung up on by opening the conversation with "I'd like to register a complaint, you cunty fucknugget bastards".
That Ubisoft gave these pricks the exclusive deal on Assassin's Creed II and Assassins Creed Brotherhood's limited editions in the UK matters not to me, if they get Assassin's Creed III Uber-Spiffy-Blacked-Up-Codex-Wunderbar Edition I shall simply put my love for the franchise to one side and settle for a lesser version. I am that pissed off.
Not only that, but if I send the game back I'm in trouble anyway, because I'm writing the review.
If I ever get talking to anyone, and they happen to mention working for Play.com during 2010, I will probably garrotte them to be on the safe side.