Top Tens

[The Preacher]

Ten things from games I wish I could do in real life? That's a good one... hmm.

• Drive an Aston Martin ONE-77 or Bugatti Veyron SuperSport at top speed (Forza 3 or NFS Hot Pursuit).
• Make two teams of annelids fight to the death with high explosives (WORMS).
• Wander a post-atomic wasteland musing on the self-destructive nature of man, whilst shooting random people in the teeth and looting all their shit (Fallout 3).
• Manage the England football team and drop Wayne Rooney, Frank Lampard and John Terry from the squad permanently (Football Manager '08).
• Fly a MiG 29 Fulcrum or F4 Phantom II into combat (Ace Combat).
• Swing around a real lightsaber without accidentally chopping my cock or some other limb off (Jedi Knight II).
• Do magic (any fantasy RPG ever).
• Command a starship (Star Trek: Bridge Commander).
• Assassinate random bastards from rooftops (Assassin's Creed II).
• Be Commander Shepard (Mass Effect).

[justbiglee]

Time for a New Top 10

Top Ten Videogame Characters You'd Like to Punch in the Face

[Blucey]

1. Blade Kitten. Thank god this game is fucking shit as it'd be a fucking cosplay staple for years otherwise. Most annoying character this side of Japan.

2. Liquid Snake. Liquid Ponce more like. Fucking get some hair dye you whining Philip Schofield prick!

3. TK from Dead Rising 2. Stupid fucking game. Let me kill this bastard. Every time you start up a multiplayer game you get him going on for a minute in a shit cutscene. I'd rather kill the makers of the game though.

4. Eddi Gordo. You could put a joypad in the hands of Helen Keller and she'd still beat you if she picked Eddi.

5. Agency Guy. 'I can see my house from here, Agent' - fuck off, prick or I'll go to that house and flush your dog's head down the toilet.

6. Anyone in Dead Space. 'Yeah I paid for chewing gum from the vending machine and it took my money but the gum didn't come out. Can you battle your way past GIANT FUCKING ALIENS and take a look at it?'

7. Clyde (Pac-Man ghost). Go into the light you fucking spectral prick.

8. DJ Striker (Burnout Whatever). Woooo! Yeah, if you're not mangled in a fucking car wreck make your way over to the freeway for our big Princess Diana memorial race! Yeah! DJ Striker... over and out!

9. Sonic The Hedgehog. You're a spikey blue cunt and your games are shit.

10. King/Duke (Virtua Tennis). Stop reading my mind you cheaty, telepathic bastards.

[DirectingChaos]

My first top 10, a mile stone in any man's life lol

1) Wario and Waluigi (probably the most uninspired bad guys that should have been a momentary thought and never became characters that have now appeared in far to many games)

2) Larry Da Vinci (the seriously irritating mentor for LBP2, who you not only have to put up with following you around most of the time but they also give him to you so you can play him... noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo)

3) Eggman/Dr Robotnic (the hedgehog obsessive idiot who seams to make all his inventions from Meccano)

4) BJ Blazkowicz from Wolfenstien (when you start playing this game just walk up to the bad guy and get shot in the face, trust me you'll be doing yourself a favour)

5) Nancy-MI847J from Tekken (can someone show me to the nearest recycle bin please...)

6) Cortex (from Crash Bandicoot, personally I'd have liked Crash to shove him into a vat a liquid silver at the end of the first game, that would have stopped him coming back for revenge again and again)

7) Totec from Lara Croft guardian of light (about as interesting as a book on tape by Boris Johnson)

8) Sander Cohen (the totally mad artist from Bioshock 2 that you'd just love to put in a cage with a The Mongolian Death worm and enjoy the show)

9) Gen Fu (get me a pipe and slippers stat...)

10) Dizzy (mainly cos the dumbass decided to wear boxing gloves and then couldn't open doors cos of it, must be American)

[Jocky]

1. Dwayne from GTA IV. Look Dwayne, I had the express choice to whether to kill you or not. I chose not, so stop fucking phoning me up and moaning about how shit your life is now.

2. Doctor Magnusson in Half Life 2 Episode 2. Smug bastard.

3. Raiden in Metal Gear Solid 2. A hardened, highly trained super soldier... that's going to have a girly haircut and have heart to hearts with his long lost girlfriend in the middle of a mission to save the world. "I'm scared of the night".

4. Otacon in Metal Gear Solid. Do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield?

5. Princess Peach*. It seems to me that Mario has saved the daft pink puff countless times, and yet she never seems to learn, or indeed show any gratitude...

6. Jack from Mass Effect 2*. Why the attitude? And get some dress sense.

7. Rose from Metal Gear Solid 2*. The other half of the dynamic duo that completely drove a bus through that game. Let's relive some of their best moments:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4IncLsiNuQ

8. Waluigi. You shouldn't exist.

9. Alistair in Dragon Age - You too - grow a backbone and stop whining!

10. The Watcher in Darksiders. A gameplay contrivance - as far as plot goes, I do not need any help to either know what to do, or assistance in killing, after all I am playing War - one of the four horsement.

*FYI I don't really want to punch any woman, but metaphorically speaking...

[MarkuzR]

1. Harry Potter in any game he's in
2. Ron from Harry Potter in any game he's in
3. Hermione from Harry Potter in any game she-he's in
4. Nathan Drake because he looks like a twat
5. Scooter from Borderlands for having come out of Moxxi's nether regions and I don't get to see them
6. Fawkes because he kept on stealing my thunder and taking all the credit
7. Anyone in Mass Effect that wouldn't let me go my own way without reminding me that there was a mission at hand
8. Pac-Man for eating all the pies
9. The first level boss in Vanquish for being a prick to me with his personal vendetta
10. The right hand bat in Pong