My name is Chris. You may have stumbled upon this by accident, be a regular reader, or perhaps I’ve asked you to read this. This isn’t an ordinary article; I don’t usually start off by breaking the fourth wall and directing my thoughts towards you, so this is going to be something a little different. It’s also going to be quite personal. Usually I’m known for injecting my personality into articles, conveying a sense of excitement and awe in my writing. Today, however, it’s less personality and more personal, and I’m going to be honest and frank about something that I feel I should talk about. I need you to understand that everything I write here is one hundred percent honest, and is in no way embellished to drive home a point; everything I tell you has happened, or is currently happening.

Chances are, if you visit here regularly, you’ve got anything from a fleeting interest to a serious dedication to video games. They’ve come along way in the twenty five years I’ve had to watch them grow and, after getting my first PC (a Tandy 3000) and my NES aged four, I’ve been on a steady diet of gaming… and I’ve loved it. Why wouldn’t I? It’s slowly become more socially acceptable to be someone who plays video games, although we’re still a long way away from a world where they are applauded en masse for their contributions to society, but they certainly are starting to be appreciated by the right people. That’s a start at least. I’ve played a video game pretty much every day or every other day since I was four. Up until the age of sixteen, that was probably acceptable to the older people in my life and I’m sure they probably thought I’d grow out of it. It wasn’t the case though. I was hooked. I certainly wasn’t addicted but it was my hobby, and I was good at it.

Roll forwards another nine years and I’m twenty five years old. I’m still playing games, now probably more than ever. My thirst to write creatively, something which I never previously had the courage to do, has been quenched by starting my own blog before starting to write for GamingLives. I started my blog around a year ago and what a year it has been. I’ve had thousands upon thousands of people read my thoughts, expressing interest and offering congratulations at what dribbles out of my mind and on to the page. I’ve been to the Eurogamer Expo as well as a couple of closed door events. I’ve met hundreds of people, made some friends, and probably managed an enemy or two along the way.

It’s not just the playing of the games that interests me though, it’s the industry itself – how it all works, the sort of commitment these people have to this art (and it is an art), and the industry as a whole. I’ve done this all in my spare time, juggling full time work, moving house, while still managing to spend time with my partner, friends and family. It’s been exhausting, but I wouldn’t change a second of it. I live my life by the rule of ‘No Regrets’ and no, not that Robbie Williams song. I simply refuse to regret past decisions, because there’s simply nothing that can be done to change what has been.

At this stage you’re probably wondering where this is all going, but bear with me because I’m getting there. I just need you to understand what I’ve been doing for the last year – I’ve been working my backside off, but it’s been fun. I also need you to understand that my passion for gaming is just as valid as any other interest out there. I don’t make a secret of it, and it’s by no means regarded as a mainstream pastime, yet people I work with, friends and even the odd family member call it pointless. They make off the cuff remarks about it being a waste of time, and a waste of money. “Couldn’t sleep last night Chris, were you up all night playing games?” No, I was wondering how I’m going to afford the food shopping, or if I’ve remembered to feed the tortoise today. Poking fun or not, it wears thin incredibly quickly given the fact they spend their free time indulging in their own hobbies whether it’s painting, exercising, shopping or photography; I mock none of it. What gives me the right to? It’s their passion, so good for them for doing something. I digress slightly but hopefully you now have an understanding of my passion for the video games industry, and so I’ll move on to some rather frank details about current events.

As I write this, my Uncle is dying. He’s in hospital very close to passing away. I’m sure you can understand this is very upsetting, and there’s a very real chance that by the time you read this he’ll have passed away. I’ve said my goodbyes and I’m confident in the fact that, due to having no quality of life of late, that this is the best thing for him. He has dementia you see, a disease that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Watching him slowly slip away from us over the last few years and then rapidly become worse in the last six months has been as shocking as it was painful, especially as he is only fifty six. That’s just a little more than double my age, and two years younger than my father. My family are very close, although I understand that some families aren’t. Some of the stories I’ve heard from friends about their families make me wonder if mine is the exception to the rule or if I just got incredibly lucky. Judging from what I’ve been told, it’s a slice of both, so the imminent death of a loved one affects us all greatly as we’re very close knit as a group.

I’m certainly not telling you this for sympathy, however. I’m also no stranger to death. This year alone I’ve attended three funerals, missing one due to being out of the country, and I said goodbye to my best friend David, a man who was practically my brother,  four years ago after a freak car accident. Again, this isn’t a plea for sympathy and anyone who knows me will understand that I’m far too much of a positive person to crawl into a ball of self pity and desperation. It’s certainly not been a jolly old time but I’ve battled through, and if you’re wondering why I’m telling you this… it’s to provide context for the rest of this article.

Christmas is fast approaching and, like a runaway freight train, it’s going to be here and smashing through December before you can get your hands on some mistletoe and tinsel. It’s traditionally a time for families to come together and celebrate all manner of things, depending on your religious beliefs. I get that some people don’t celebrate Christmas, and that’s fine too – I’m certainly not going to try and convince you otherwise. Christmas in my house, however, is celebrated and, for as long as I’ve been able to walk, it’s consisted of the following routine: my sister and I will wake up around four in the morning and pilfer the stockings then, after making enough of a racket to wake our parents but not the neighbours, we all open presents. Not long afterwards, I’ll disappear upstairs with whatever new game I’ve been given, my sister will stick on her new film, while mum and dad fall back to sleep for the last few hours that they should have had earlier. Hours later it’s off to Grandma’s, where more presents are exchanged before heading back to ours where mum and my sister will cook, dad opens the cider, and I join him before going back to my new game. Dinner is served, and devoured, and from that point on, for me at least, it’s a mix of games, films, turkey sandwiches and sleep. Pure holiday gold.

This year marks a change though. Quite a large one, as I no longer live there. It’ll probably throw a spanner in the works, considering the pattern of events for the last twenty years, but I moved out at the start of this year. My partner, however, is going back to visit her parents in a different part of the country and I can’t go with her because of work commitments, so I’ll be going back to my parents.  This has presented me with a problem because none of my games consoles will be there, so I’ll effectively be unable to play anything I get given on the day. It’s a strange feeling to have, because I’ve already started to calculate when I’ll leave in order to ensure that I’ll be able to get back and play some games.

It’s around now that you need to perk up and listen. I know that you’ve been reading for a good ten minutes or so, and you must be wondering just where I’m going with this. Yes, I’m talking to you… as well as the thousands of people who visit this site and are hopefully also reading this article. I’m talking to those people with a fleeting interest in gaming as well as the hardcore gamers; I’m talking to my girlfriend and my sister, to all of the GamingLives team, my friends and work colleagues who view my passion as a lost cause of wasted money and misguided ambition.

I’m such a lucky person, but I’ve also had an epiphany of sorts. The fact is that while I have this fantastic passion, it is something that eats into my free time. You, me, and everyone out there are incredibly busy people; our lives move so fast that sometimes we forget what’s important. I’ve certainly not forgotten that though. My friends, family and partner come first and gaming comes second. That said, you’ve read what a typical Christmas Day for me is like, and I should imagine that for other gamers reading this you may follow a similar pattern. I know anyone under the age of sixteen probably does because they’ve been waiting months for their games, if they don’t have rich and generous parents. There is a message I want to give to you all, and this applies to everyone, from people who think that a Nintendo Wii is some sort of urinary tract infection, to those who will prestige on Modern Warfare 3 on Christmas Day.

Break the mould. Ignore your instincts. That game will still be there on Boxing Day, or the day after that, or even by the New Year whereas your family might not be. While that sounds like a very bleak outlook on life, it really isn’t. Looking over this year on reflection has taught me the value of seizing the moment; we have one chance in this life and then it is lost forever. While I’ve said that I don’t have regrets, I’ve recently accepted that my youth could have been better spent (at times) with loved ones and friends. No, I wasn’t locked in my room day after day but I could certainly have come downstairs for a game of Scrabble or Monopoly once in a while. The impending passing of my Uncle has made me value the frailty of this life and helped me to understand that I’m not quite strong enough to lose those closest to me.

I’m not saying that you have renounce your sins, jack in your hobbies and devote your life to being the shadow of your nearest and dearest. I’m no stranger to a busy lifestyle, as I’ve already identified, and it would be remiss of me not to take the time when it’s appropriate to spend time with the ones I love so, this year, I won’t be playing video games. I’ll be helping mum make dinner, showing dad how the latest gadget works, and trying to compete with my sister in trying to eat the most chocolate. That game will be there for sometime in the future.

I’m lucky, and thankful, that my immediate family are still here today, but some haven’t been quite so lucky. Don’t think “I’ll do it next time”, or “I’d rather be playing this game”, or write off Christmas as “just another family thing to survive”. This Christmas, give your family a gift they might not be expecting; after years of watching you scurry away to play the latest release, give them you’re undivided attention. Give them the gift no-one else can give them: yourself. Take it from someone who now knows a thing or two, as you may regret it if you don’t.

Last five articles by Chris

• My friend, David.
• Meridian: Squad 22 - Review
• It Was Him or Me
• Coming Full Circle
• Ellipsis - Review