Gaming With Your Girlfriend
by Ric
What’s that? You managed to get a girlfriend? Score! Seriously, nice work. I mean, so long as she’s fit anyway. Wait, she likes to play video games? Nice one! You know what that means right? You can like, do couple-y stuff with her (I won’t go into details, for decency’s sake) and then settle down for a nice bit of co-op (or versus, it’s up to you). Thing is, you might be the type who gets rather over the top with his victory celebrations, or very obnoxious should you get killed. At all. Ever. What you need is some advice on how to successfully keep your relationship intact, while also kicking her arse at your game of choice. And now, with my somewhat limited experience, I’m going to attempt to help you out.
Note: While I say girlfriend, I understand that this could also apply to the girl in the relationship, or even that it’s two girls or two guys getting it on. I’m not judging, it’s just that stereotypes are easier, so we shall assume you’re a guy.
1. Pick a game you both like
So you’ve put hundreds of hours into whatever Halo game is out at the time and you think you’re the king of the Halo world. Thing is, your lady friend spends more time in her Animal Crossing town than she does in the real world, and the last time she played an FPS was three years ago, and that’s only because her and a friend wanted to laugh at each other being terrible at it. This should be obvious, but honestly, don’t try and make her play a game she’s bad at and you think you’re amazing at. It’ll be no fun for her, and let’s be honest, unless you get your kicks from absolutely obliterating others all the damn time, you’re not gonna enjoy it either. So have a chat about what other games you both play. You never know, you might find she has a weird fetish for fake blood and you’ve just picked up Dead Rising 2. It’s like a match made in some sort of bizarre heaven.
"Hey, hey, you, you, we're gonna eat your girlfriend..."
2. Don’t assume that it has to be two-player
“Hey sweetie, d’ya wanna play some R.U.S.E.?” “Sure!” “Great! You stay home and I’ll set up a match!” Yeah, cos that’s gonna end in you getting laid. With the continuing trend of local split-screen not being an option, it’s getting progressively harder to find a non-FPS that lets two or more people hang out on one console. And if the game you picked in tip 1 hasn’t got local multiplayer, well, that’s that plan out the window. But wait! You don’t always both have to be playing the game to make it enjoyable. Try choosing something that looks as cool as it is to play (the aforementioned Dead Rising 2 can do the trick – I don’t even play it anymore, it’s just the best game in my collection to make these points), and then just snuggle up together while one person plays. And by one person, I mean you.
The victory dance didn't go down well
3. When playing competitively, don’t gloat
BOOM! Headshot! You turn to your partner and yell “Yeah! You just got OWN’D!” Aaaand that’s the sound of her getting her things and leaving. Smooth. Sure, it was a great kill, but really… tone it down. The only thing you’ll gain from dancing round the room, punching the air and celebrating in a generally stupid fashion is a red cheek from the hard slap you’re about to receive. Keep calm. It’s just a game.
4. Don’t let her (or him) win
This isn’t to say you should trounce her at every available opportunity with no remorse whatsoever but, let’s face it, chivalry is dead. Chicks are tough these days, and they don’t take kindly to you fighting (or losing) their battles for them. So just play normally, and don’t start trying to give her unfair advantages. Chances are, she’ll wipe the floor with you anyway.
5. Take a break
The great thing about playing with your partner/lover/whatever is that not only can you engage in one of your favourite pastimes, but you can also engage in that OTHER favourite pastime. You know, like reading. So remember, every now and then, hit the pause button, turn to your other half, say something adorable/sexy/whatever works and spend some time “together”. Reading. You can always go back to the game when you’re done, after all. Which won’t be long. Actually I take that back, sorry. You might be reading The Iliad or something.
Well, that’s all the advice I can impart on you. Go forth, ignore all my advice, and beat her down at a game of your choosing. Hey, what strengthens a relationship more than a little conflict?
Last five articles by Ric
- Playing Rhiannon, With Rhiannon
- The Hidden Controversies of 2015
- Best of 2015: Tell No Tales
- Best of 2015: A Good Walk Spoiled By John
- Best of 2015: My Summer As A Drug Dealer
Tip 6: Rock Band. Bitches love Rock Band.
A great first article! I wish I could apply any of this advice to my life but that’d involve me not being…
…forever alone!
Seriously I’m lonely someone please give me a hug.
(((hugs)))
I hope my girlfriend doesn’t read this :/
Welcome to the team Ric. Interesting article, maybe you could write a prequel in how to meet a gaming partner and love interest. For Ed’s sake… yeah… for Ed.
Interesting first article, enjoyed reading it. Especially since it’s something that’s been on my mind lately, having a girlfriend now, and one who isn’t actually a gamer (though she does support my own interest in it, and takes a strangely perverse and unmocking delight in pointing out what a colossal nerd I am to her friends and family).
So far I’ve convinced her to play Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing (which I destroyed her at, because she’s never picked up a controller since the days of the Megadrive and has no fucking idea how to use an analog stick), and Scrabble Interactive, which we play on our laptops via my network. She likes Scrabble, because it doesn’t move too fast, and because she can occasionally beat me at it. So we have one game we can share and enjoy together at present.
Still, early days, I have hopes of finding other games she’ll like.
I got my girlfriend into L4D2. Amazing since she’d never played an FPS ever before. Watching her struggle to use both analog sticks at the same time was soo funny. She kept running around the map, whilst looking at the floor.
What’s even funnier is when I know there’s a special infected around (usually by the sound effects), I’ll be a gentlemen and let her through doors first. WHAM! Charger. Me rolling on the floor laughing! Her screaming at me. Mega lolz!
Problem now, is she’s so addicted to it, I have to keep saying no to playing it!
I liked number 5.
LEE, I LIKED NUMBER 5.
I’m all for more… uh… reading.
Unless its a Wii game, the only other game my girlfriend will touch is the Sims. I’d love to get her into abit of L4D2 but she’s scared of zombies so I’ve got no chance!
Nice first article, I enjoyed it.
Awesome article, Nothing like a good session of Left 4 Dead with misses
lol great article..
Aww point 3, me and my ex used to play tons of soul calibur, tekken and fight night 3. Whenever she beat me, she would merely smile, and it wasn’t just any smile, it was that silent smile, the one the mistress from hell itself would do
My reaction whenever i beat her? “BOOM! hell yeah baby, you just got owned, whose the daddy!”, and doing my own version of the moonwalk.
The amount of times she would stromp off, or she would do the most evil of all acts, straight after beating me..simply go “oh i had enough, i retire” WHAT! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!
And yes, spli got no nookie but her way of gloating is just as worse!
Great first article Ric
I’ve always been a heavy gamer and was lucky to find a guy who appreciated that 
Over the years, having gaming as a similar interest has been a good thing, even if the extra time we spend together is in a multiplayer game.
@ Splicer – The silent gloat is indeed a delicate but lethal weapon and almost as infuriating. As for retiring just as soon as you win? Ouch! Nasty stuff, but funny if it isn’t happening to you
Hard to find non FPS split screen? What about all those racing games? I assume of course new racing games do still have split screen, the last racing game I played was Forza 2. Fable 2 and 3 has co op although not done very well it can still work.
I have to admit, I’ve never really had any problems with girlfriends like that. My ex wasn’t into playing at all, apart from when she once played James Pond: Robocod on the Amiga, so I was always in the other room doing my thang while she stayed in the lounge reading Steven King and watching crap on TV.
Now, though, I’m blessed with having the best gamer girlfriend on the planet. When I wanted to spend half my monthly salary on a giant plastic Fallout guy, she didn’t have a problem… and even suggested I got two, one for each side of the door. We play all sorts of games together, whenever we have the time, and our lounge still has two XBox 360s set up on two separate TVs from when we had the GLBBQ earlier in the year so even if we’re not playing the same game, we’re often gaming in the same room.
Gets tough because we can’t afford to buy new games when they come out at the best of times, so if they have co-op that we’re keen on playing then we just have to take turns each.
There’s one man though, a guy by the name of Victor “The Destroyer” Anfu who is as bad a winner as he is loser… but I haven’t seen him game with his girlfriend yet. I can’t imagine it’s a pretty sight though, it’s bad enough with his gamer friends! Welcome, Ric!
@FC360 – Do you like spilt screen? I played split screen on Borderlands and just couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing, as I was too busy watching the other side to see what they were up to… which is more about the fact I was playing with Pete and he was letting me take all the gunfire while he fannied around looking for chests… so it was very distracting. I’m POSITIVE I’ve also played Burnout in split screen but I think it was two stacked views rather than side by side. I’m just not sold on split screen at all. Perhaps I’m just greedy
Well I play split screen some weekends when my mate comes around and we play for 4 hours. I hate the side by side view and always have to change to top and bottom views, if a game doesn’t allow this then I just don’t play it in multiplayer mode, well I do online. The thing about me is I don’t have many friends who play the same games as me online apart from Halo reach but even then I was always playing it when my friends didn’t have time to. I’ve always found split screen is easier and more fun then online multiplayer as you can glance at the other screen to see where the other person is then run to them and if their any good they will glance at your screen and counter it so you have to think about countering their counter, so fun.
Best splitscreen game I’ve ever played was Goldeneye on the N64. Didnt have tinterweb back then so it was best thing in the world to be able to shoot your mates. I remember being cramped up around a 15inch tv with 3 of my brother and a couple of cousins playing this all day during the summer holidays one year. Great times!
Goldeneye on the N64 was and still is awesome I wish they would make a remake of it but keep it exactly the same, just improve the graphics and that’s it, don’t touch anything else, or have they already done that? When it comes to Nintendo news I am living under a rock.
Pretty sure they’ve just released it.
Those who Raid together, Stay together!
I don’t know Knik. I had a guy in my guild who left his wife and kids (who also played, had 60′s and raided with us -one even transferred to our server) to be with someone else in the guild, who lived in another country. I think theirs a darkside to all of that :p
Great first Ric
Good, sagely advice that I’ve watched so many others not realise :p
oh yeah they remade Goldeneye on DS and Wii except they changed some things like the char you play is daniel craig, I hate it when they do stuff like that, leave it as is. I wouldn’t mind finding a girlfriend who games but that’ll never happen since I stay in most of the time gaming rofl
My missus is also quite the gamer but we don’t tend to play much together. Usually we help each other out. I beat a level on Beautiful Katamari for her, she beats a helicopter boss in Syphon Filter for me. I drafted her in for some EDF levels to run interference with turrets.
Pretty handy.
That said she’s more about the PC than consoles now anyway.
After more than a year of being a couple I saw my girlfriend playing Klondike on my iPod touch once a couple of month ago, for like five minutes (then she leaves the game frustrated). That’s it. My GF is anything but a gamer
As soon as I saw this article I pulled my boyfriend away from Black Ops to show him with an excited “Look, we’re doing it right!” As a kid, I always games, but the only FPS I really played was Halo 1 back in its hay-day. My boyfriend recently taught me how to play L4D 1 AND 2, CoDBO, Nazi Zombies (of course), and a whole ton of other awesome FPSs (And PVZ, too!). On the other hand, I gave him a little lesson on the joys of Peggle, old-school Genesis games, Mario Party, and a whole bunch of other useless stuff.
I must say, there’s nothing more fun than buying disgusting amounts of junk food, ordering in pizza and gaming for the whole night together as a couple. And maybe a bit of reading. :3