The Time We Went On A Rollercoaster

Our heroes walk off into the sunset.

Right so how far did I get? Ah yes the mobile meth lab… well, shortly after returning from mine and Ben’s adventure to the shop I got back and obviously wrote up what you read yesterday, I think it was yesterday… the time in America is confusing, I’ll ever understand it. Now that Lorna’s bag had returned, it was adventure time again and we headed off to the L.A. Convention Center to pick up our media passes for the show and press conferences. What a bloody farce that turned out to be, picking up the normal Expo passes was easy enough as were the ones for the Xbox conference (V.I.P. baby!) but something went horribly wrong with the EA ones and only Mark’s name was down on the list, despite the fact that we all kept getting emails every five minutes reminding us that EA were having a press conference.

That put a bit of a pisser on the afternoon to say the least and it was just after we’d all finally started to feel good about being here now that Mark and Lorna’s missing bag had arrived. Worst of it was that there wasn’t much we could do about it at this point as it was half eleven back in the UK. We knew we were on that list but the chap from EA was having none of it even after presenting him with a printed copy of the confirmation email and handing him my mobile phone to read through my emails. He wasn’t much help and, while he was patient with us, but I’d have preferred it if he had just told us to piss off but the concept of telling somebody to piss off seemed beyond him, so he just quietly toddled off to the other side of his desk.

I love it when a plan finally comes together!

Now, I’m not just on about the chap from EA here I’m talking about Americans in general – they just don’t seem to have any understanding of the concept of  telling somebody to piss off, which is the least he could have said; it’s rude to not tell someone to piss off if you don’t want to talk to them. EA-ticketless, we had a problem; I was worried we’d have to hit the Los Angeles underground as no one else could help. We had an idea… I just hoped that he was still awake, and if he was then maybe we could contact… the EA_ActionMan. (cue A-Team Music). We must have just missed him and, due to the stupid time zone difference, he was snuggled up in bed with his cuddly necromorph and Dragon Age II dolls.  Long story short, we finally got the tickets sorted and a big thank you to everybody at EA around the world who helped sort it out.

During our hour or so at the convention centre (which was still being put together) we took some time to enjoy the posters for various games that plaster pretty much every surface possible. Get this though, you’re not allowed to take photos of them! I tried to take a snap of a very cool looking Gears of War 3 one over by the press centre and nearly got shot by a police man; I’m not over exaggerating either the guy was reaching for his gun, I thought I was done for. So I legged it and hid on the other side of the escalators, I tried to sneak a picture from the other side but he’d spotted me and there was no way that guy was gonna leave that poster unattended. On the way back through the walkway, which was littered with Saints Row The Third posters, the rebel in me couldn’t resist so I whipped the camera back out and took a few snaps while the rozzers weren’t around. Oh and Mark nearly got shot too for trying to take a picture of the Deus Ex banner in the South Hall entrance… although he was acting a little strange, at least I took my Saints Row pictures like a ninja and hid behind some plants.

Planking, you're doing it wrong.

Back to GLHQ:LA to posh up for our date with Claas from Lace Mamba. He was taking us out to a cowboy bar on the Sunset Strip called The Saddle Ranch and, oh man, it was amazing. There was hookers hanging from the balconies and a fire pit on the front where some guys were roasting s’mores outside, whatever the fuck s’mores are, they looked like marshmallows. Inside was all cowboy’d up too with a spinning bull thing in the middle along with cool cowboy and American paraphernalia nailed to the walls.  Imagine T.G.I. Fridays but not shit and full of really good looking people like off the telly. Mark, Lorna and Claas went for the steak while me and Ben had the kids meals. Well, not really but in comparison to the lump of cow the others were served it certainly made them look that way and these we’re pretty big burgers too! You know when you go the pub with a mate and you kind of silently do that thing where you’re drinking you pint in sync with them? Well me and Ben we’re doing that but with burgers. Every so often we’d look across at each other and think to ourselves “bloody hell mate slow down, you’re making me look bad”. Now it wasn’t a race, but I won anyway as Ben bowed out leaving a few chips, sorry – French Fries. The waiter guy then plonked a massive metal martini glass shaped thing on the table with a two foot tall tower of pink candy floss in it. It was amazing.

Claas then offered to take us out for a drive to Santa Monica Pier or, as he called it, “The place where America ends”. On the way there he drove us through Beverly Hills and I saw that green sign post off the telly; I’ll be honest with you, it is just a sign post that says “Beverly Hills” but it was pretty cool to see it. After parking the car we took a short stroll up the street and stood at the crossroads just across from the entrance to the pier. I looked over to see Mark grinning in a certain way that he does sometimes; it’s a special grin that he only brings out on special occasions. He was clearly caught up in the moment and really taken aback by it, I could tell. I’m sure you’ll be able to read about what was going through his head in his daily diary. Don’t misunderstand me, it was amazing to visit the pier and see it myself but, for whatever reason, it really meant something to Mark. It was nice to see him happy after the ballache of the last few days just we’d had.

No idea where she came from.

Also we went on a rollercoaster. On a pier! It was cool.

Last five articles by Lee



  1. Knikitta says:

    I am intrigued by the Martini glass of Candyfloss!

  2. Edward Edward says:

    Lee, you’re a comic genius.
    Also, I have never seen Mark pull that face ever, and I’m afraid now I have he’ll kill me.

    Also, fuck yeah EA Action Dan! :D

Leave a Comment