Pwning Pr0nography
by Kat
Sex is no stranger to games. I hear tales from friends about bedding characters in Mass Effect or Dragon Age: Origins and I remember once or twice getting some action in The Sims. Our very own Jace covered “nudey” games that were kicking about back in the 80s in his article here. Sex and nudity will always be a part of games whether people consider it suitable or not, just like it appears in movies, television and novels.
Oh noey Woey, it looks like it's starting to snowey!
There is also a flip-side; when games enter the world of sex. Naturally, being naive to what lurks in the darker corners of the internet (don’t smirk, I have to put that, my parents might be reading), I was only recently introduced to game pornography early in 2009 with the stellar performances in “Left 4 Head”, an adult spin on the popular Left 4 Dead game. Curiosity got the better of me and I sat slack jawed through the first half and had to prevent myself dozing off during the second. Our survivor, Zoey, tackles Special Infected in a way you’d hoped never to see. When attacked by a Smoker, it’s not his tongue that wraps itself around her but the world’s longest trousersnake. Of course, when you’re being strangled to death by a giant penis, your first instinct is to suck the end of it.
 Sakura? Yes, I think I'd rather. |
 Call of Booty... best I could do really! |
 Zoey gets a little frisky with a Witch |
After Zoey eventually finishes off the Smoker (I’m talking via gun here, not a money shot) she’s then “attacked” by a Hunter where she makes a half-hearted attempt to push him away before providing us with the promised “Head” part of the title. It’s a little bit rape-y and Hunters aren’t blessed with the prettiest schlong or at least the actor isn’t. It’s not good enough to be a turn on or terrible enough to find hilarious, it’s just bad. The moral of the story seems to be that if you can fellate your way through a zombie apocalypse, you’ll survive. Unfortunately if there’s a sequel where Zoey gets it on with a Witch while a Boomer gurgles excitedly in Left 4 Head 2 I’m yet to find it.
This clearly isn't real, but imagine the achievements??
For research reasons only, honest, I decided to further investigate game-to-porn adaptations, hoping for a wealth of poorly made videos to mock as opposed to being titillated by. Sadly the scene seems to be lacking. The best known series is “World of Whorecraft” which sold over 20,000 downloads at eight bucks a pop and is only worth hunting down for the few minutes of “acting”. One guy with an odd Irish/pirate accent needs gold in return for his cloak-repair services and the sexy Elf coyly declares “oh you’ll get your booty” as she disrobes before getting down and dirty. The creator of Whorecraft also went on to produce a porno entitled “FPS-Porn Operation Sex: Cock and Load”. It seemed to mainly consist of a gun strapped to the front of a camera and put a whole new meaning into the phrase “BOOM! HEADSHOT!”.
Hallo-a... I've-a come-a to feeks-a your freej-a!
Another well-known games franchise that has been the target of the adult industry is Street Fighter with the release of the subtly named “Street Fucker”. This Japanese film includes Chun-Li, Ryu and Honda amongst others and contains the least desirable porn actress I’ve laid eyes on in the form of Sakura. The porno may be a random, bizarre experience that makes little sense but at least they made the characters more faithful to the games than the 1994 Van Damme movie did. With gamers out there actively searching on Google for the elusive Call of Booty: Modern Whorefare 2, is there actually a high demand for game porn or do we just want a giggle? Perhaps half the fun is just coming up with title puns – Ninja Gay Den, Ass Effect, Lust Planet or more niche videos such as Ratchet and Spank. If they were well-produced I think some gamers would certainly have their interest piqued by Halo’s Cortana, Modern Warfare’s Soap MacTavish or Dragon Age’s Morrigan making an appearance in a more adult form. There definitely seems like a gap in the market and I believe we’re just the people to fill it, who’s with me!
Last five articles by Kat
- Falling For Fallout?
- I MAED A P0ST WITH Z0MBIES 1N IT!!1
- One Girl, Two Pads
- The Gaming Closet
- 24 Hours In Reach
I knew there was a genre missing from my games collection. Also on the lookout for:
Tom Clancy’s Rainbox Sex
Titris
Head Rising
Naughty Bare Naked
Ass Creed
The Angry VIdeo Game Nerd covered some Atari 2600 games a while back: http://screwattack.com/videos/AVGN-Atari-Porn
I…, am speechless. Ron Jeremy in a Mario costume? World of Whorecraft? I am both afraid and interested to see how the modders will make use of Kinect.
If you manage to look beyond her teeth, that Sakura is fairly cute.
Game related porno is a big deal in Japan. I’m not totally alien to it… I even have some Japanese hentai dating sims hidden on my hard drive, where you get put in the role of a fairly personality-lacking everyday young Japanese boy who finds himself surrounded with sexy women (usually one older authoritative one, and then a mix of girls who are all much younger and subordinate to that alpha female, and who have different social status in comparison to you), that you get to interact with, eventually shag most if not all of them, and then choose the one (or two) to live happily ever after with. And those games are huge in their home country, some of them have more fans and bigger cult followings than more mainstream games and franchises.
I think it’s only really in the West that game porn mostly consists of dodgy, badly produced cheap crap ripping off only the most successful titles. Probably because sexuality and porn is still mostly social taboo, or at the least still retains a stigma. Ludicrous really, the Asians have the more sensible approach… it’s a natural enough thing, and it should be done properly.
Props to Mark for not giving in to the temptation to just use his favourite porn pics for this too, heh.
You said “filling the gap” at the end. Pun intended?
@Preacher – the article is about porn based on games, not games based on sex. Also, the Asian countries certainly don’t have the more sensible approach to pornography, and perhaps the worst, but I’m not going to discuss it here in the comments.
I enjoyed this Kat, it’s always fascinated me when the porn industry take a known franchise or title and then parody it… I suppose the fact it’s a parody means that they can easily overcome the copyright issue and the gaming world is an ideal place for source material as there’s always a high degree of sexuality in their characters, male or female. I do wince at the thought of Pac-Man porn though, with a guy in some ridiculous foam costume… or Pokémon porn with THAT Pikachu guy popping up yet again. No pun intended!
And I thought it was just tv shows that got the ‘porn spoof’ treatment
Loving some of the titles. You’d think that with the gaming industry being such a large beast, that there would be more folk seeking to exploit it really. As for Preacher’s comment about Asians countries getting sex games right, I think that nothing could be further from the truth, but as Mark said, not the place to dissect it here.
Interesting article Kat and frankly, a great forum topic for titles…though Rook seems to be way ahead of us…the perv.
*Googles Left 4 Head*
Ive never watched any game related porn to be honest. The closest ive been was someone linking me to a WoW comic about an orc getting it on with an elf. Still Kat you have inspired me to be a dirty perv and i will look into this
Sex in games can also have a negative effect, imagine a acne encrusted geek about to get lucky for his first time… and he sits there waiting for a QTE just like in God of War 3… poor lad, he’s going to be a virgin for ever.
I’m sure there is a call of duty porn but sadly googling “call of duty xxx” just returns a load of crap gamertags. Zombie porn would creep me the hell out.
I’ve led a very sheltered life and I’m shocked. You see when I was a lad….. Who am I kidding!
@Mooby struggling to get over the image of an acne encrusted geek. You know that is quite bad. It’s on the same kind of level as Vagrant Story – a film about Sex on The Streets.
Fab post Kat. Very amusing
Left 4 Head was so fucking weird. I’ve seen a lot of strange porn in my time but L4H was probably in the top five. Would having sex with a zombie be necrophilia because technically they’re the LIVING dead :/
Thats some brave investigative journalism Kat, can I go now? And can I run?! It scares me…