Us gamers have a vast knowledge of what to do when the earth is in danger – whether it’s an alien invasion, an airborne Zombie Virus or a nuclear holocaust, we have the gaming knowledge to keep our virtual selves alive in desperate times. But what if one day a virus does break out, turning the whole world into zombies? Or nuclear war does hit, taking the all the world’s population by surprise and turning everything into a barren wasteland? Will us gamers out there have the knowledge to survive the harsh environment? With all this in mind, I have decided to come up with a guide to surviving the Apocalypse, this five-step program will take you through what to expect, covering zombies, nuclear fallout, alien invasion and, if we are super unlucky, hell on earth.

Step 1 – Arm yourself
If Fallout and Left 4 Dead 2 are anything to go by, pretty much anything can be used as a weapon. Whether its a magnum you have managed to stash away somewhere on your person, or a frying pan you have found just lying about, anything can be used to beat down the dangers that lurk on the Earth’s surface. Also, if games are anything to go by, you can hold a lot of weapons at any given time. According to DOOM II you can stash up to nine weapons on your person at once. Or, if you really wanna analyse your games for the Earth’s inevitable doom, play some GTA IV and see what clothes Niko Bellic is wearing because you can stash a whole array of weapons from pistols and sawn-off shot guns, to full-blown rocket launchers and sniper rifles… handy! Which brings us to step 2.

Step 2 – Finding the right attire

As I said in step one, a good route to go here is the GTAIV route because, lets face it, it has magic pockets to store your whole armory in. But defending yourself is also key to survival, and a good armored suit is the way to go in most cases. Unless you are Duke Nukem of course, then you can just wear a tank top and watch the bullets bounce of your huge pectorals.

Taking a look at Halo, Quake 4, Aliens Vs Predator and Doom, I think they are on to something here. Green and brown is this season’s Apocalypse colours, and are definitely good for camouflage whatever terrain you are – just make sure it is well armoured.

There are probably those of you out there who didn’t pack an Apocalypse bag before the earth was destroyed, so my advice to you (well more Fallout’s advice to you) is to grab anything you can and wear it, regardless if it’s a silly sack on your head or huge armour that probably weighs about a ton.

Step 3 – Finding shelter
You need somewhere safe to stay when any sort of Apocalypse strikes. In the case of zombies, if you manage to find a huge door that bolts shut then you’re in for a win. These doors can be found on any building – whether it is a block of flats, a country house or indeed an old wooden shack you will be just fine, once said door is bolted shut there will be a plethora of supplies and weapons for you.

In case of Nuclear Apocalypse however, it gets a bit more tricky… mainly because most things have been blown to smithereens. That said, you will find some places that have remarkably stayed intact, or you can just find a load of corrugated metal and build yourself a quaint little town, just make damn sure there isn’t a nuclear warhead in the middle of it. It could either explode or have crazy people worshipping it.

With an alien invasion however, you’re probably not going to have any shelter at all – you will mainly find yourself running around lots, shooting anything that moves but, having said that, I have heard space stations are a nice destination this time of the year.

Step 4 – Finding Sustenance and/or medical supplies
You want to stay alive, right? Well if games are anything to go by, food and drink will heal your broken bones within seconds. Fallout and Wolfenstein have both proved this theory. Whether it is a hot meal or a nice cool bottle of radiated cola you will feel better, and in no time that bite you got from a crazy dog will heal right up.

In other cases such as Left 4 Dead, you have to scout around for medi-packs. These things are stashed with bandages and well… bandages. You will feel right as rain in no time after you apply these magical fabrics. Having said that, if we take a leaf from Halo’s book, then simply stepping on medi-packs will automatically heal you, or if your feeling hardcore like Duke Nukem then simply kick a toilet in and drink the water. You will feel ready to kick some more butt in next to no time.

Step 5 (The Most Important) – DTA

Common practice for a post apocalyptic earth is to DTA – Don’t. Trust. Anybody. Look after number one at all times. Left 4 Dead teaches us that crying humanoid creatures really don’t want our help, they just want to rip our faces off, F.E.A.R. has shown us that small girls can really be mind-controlling, crazy things that can scare the living Jesus out of you and will also rip your face off. Lets face it, everything out there in post apocalyptic earth is just wanting to rip off your face. Dogs, zombies, zombie dogs. It’s pretty dangerous out there.

And there we have is it – my five step program to surviving doomsday and post apocalyptic earth.  If you haven’t gathered, by the way, Earth is the number one target for anything… so be warned.

There is one slight problem though. I haven’t played a game that tells me what to do when the ice caps melt. Bugger.

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